[Script for The Spoony Experiment: Dungeons & Dragons]
[Copyright 2004 Noah Antwiler]

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< 00:00:22 > T: Tastes Great!
< 00:00:23 > M: Less filling!
< 00:00:24 > T: Tastes Great!
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< 00:00:27 > M: Yeah.  That’s what mages would be.
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< 00:00:33 > T: But the dental plan is good!
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< 00:00:40 > M: She’s a communist!
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< 00:00:46 > T: Prophylactic?
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< 00:00:58 > M: I’ve seen clouds from both sides now.
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< 00:01:02 > T: Well they got the “Drag” part right.
< 00:01:03 > M: Yeah they got the “Dung” part right, too.
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< 00:01:10 > T: *sing* a CG towwwwwn….a CG town…
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< 00:01:28 > M: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!
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< 00:01:30 >T: Someone took great care in placing that skull there.
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< 00:01:35 >M: Big wheel keep on turnin’!
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< 00:01:50 >M: Mordenkainen’s Mystic Executive Paper Weight
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< 00:01:53 >T: I once caught a fish THIS BIG!
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< 00:02:00 >M: MY PRrrrreecious!
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< 00:02:16 >T: Oh crap, what’d I do?
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< 00:02:26 >M: Now I shall tweek thine mystical hooters…
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< 00:02:33 >T: Ohhhh the batteries ran down on my thingy.
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< 00:02:46 >T: TOUCHDOWN!
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< 00:02:55 >HAHAHAHAH!
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< 00:03:13 > *Monty Python Monk Chant*
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< 00:03:26 > T: Hey I’m watchin’ Dharma & Greg in here!
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< 00:03:31 >M: Cheesy as it is, at least Sean Connery isn’t voicing it.
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< 00:03:36 >M: Ow!  I’ve broken mine heel!
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< 00:04:06 >T: I command lame CG dragons!
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< 00:04:10 >M: Looks like he ate a Smurf.
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< 00:04:18 >T: And rule the WORLD!!
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< 00:04:27 >T: Looks like he takes joy in his work.
< 00:04:28 >M: He’s not overacting at all.
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< 00:04:39 >M: Sit down!  Play dead!
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< 00:04:41 >T: My magic battery powered toy thingy commands it!
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< 00:04:45 >M: Oh poopy!
< 00:04:46 >T: Fetch me the D-cell batteries!
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< 00:04:53 >M: (like C-3P0) Oh no!  The rancor!
< 00:04:54 >T: Ohhhh where have I seen this before…
< 00:04:55 >M: Long time ago in a galaxy far far away?
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< 00:05:08 >M: NOW I have to clean all this crap up!
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< 00:05:25 >T: And put out a memo, dragon BBQ tonight.
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< 00:05:31 >M: Moses!!
< 00:05:32 >T: Smoooooke on the water!!
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< 00:05:50 > T: The Cuyahoga river before the cleanup?
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< 00:06:01 >M: That parts my hair!
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< 00:06:08 >T: Shouldn’t we like, back up??
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< 00:06:16 > *both yell* Disneyland!!
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< 00:06:21 >T: Remarkably good teeth for a couple of street urchins.
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< 00:06:42 >M: Oh yeah, this sounds like a good plan.  No traps to be found there.
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< 00:06:48 >M: Later, in Epcot Center…
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< 00:06:56 >M: Well this reminds me of Star Wars, too.
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< 00:07:05 >T: Dungeons and filibusters!
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< 00:07:21 >M: That guy in the back has to stop eating the Pixie Stix before the meetings.
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< 00:07:32 > T: Is that a sexual metaphor?
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< 00:07:35 > M: The empress loves a good rod, though.
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< 00:07:40 >M: I bet Blue Lips likes rod to!
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< 00:07:42 >M:mmmmm Naked Twister?
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< 00:07:55 >T:Medieval arms accords!  Wow!
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< 00:07:58 >M: Praise the lord!
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< 00:08:02 >T: Ah the easily-led council of Archmages!
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< 00:08:04 >M: Whatever!
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< 00:08:13 >M: Great archmages.  No Detect Lie?  Know Alignment?
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< 00:08:23 >T: Heil Izmer!
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< 00:08:30 >T: You have the POWER of the IMMORTALS!
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< 00:08:46 >M: Father Santa Claus
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< 00:08:48 >T: And Princess Wednesday Addams.
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< 00:08:58 >M: We should strike down the filthy bourgeoisie so that the working proletariat can take power!
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< 00:08:60 >*mock her voice*
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< 00:09:08 >M: Is that a promise?
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< 00:09:14 >T: Oh man.
< 00:09:15 >M: Uhhh, next plan.
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< 00:09:21 >T: *sing the Barber of Seville* I’m looking for the Rooood of Seville!
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< 00:09:35 >M: Shoulda set gremlin traps!
< 00:09:36 >T: One!   Singular Sensation!!
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< 00:09:38 >M: Jazz hands!!
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< 00:09:51 >M: WHAT IS THY BIDDING, MY MASTER?
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< 00:09:54 >T: Double mocha latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon…
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< 00:10:03 >M: Say around…noonish?
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< 00:10:08 >T: And take the football pads off.
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< 00:10:15 >M: Permanently!
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< 00:10:23 >T: Can’t get enough of these shots.
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< 00:10:36 >M: Whiny the Thief!
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< 00:10:45 >T: That is one long-ass rope.
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< 00:10:53 >M: Oh gee, I wonder where this is going.
< 00:10:54 >T: Joke coming in 3…2…1
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< 00:11:07 >T: When breaking into a magic school, make lots of noises and carry on loud conversations!
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< 00:11:20 >M: Alarm spell?  Wyvern Watch?  Anything?
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< 00:11:42 >Both: Expose himself?  EEEW!
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< 00:11:59 >T: The tragic times before the Dewey Decimal system.
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< 00:12:19 >M: What’s he stirring?
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< 00:12:28 >T: I GUESS…
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< 00:12:36 >M: Ricka racka firecracka shish-boom-bah!
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< 00:12:41 >T: Oh that’s what you were doing?
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< 00:12:47 >M: Not the Magical Wing!  You’re mad!
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< 00:12:54 >T: Marlon finally found his dunce cap.
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< 00:12:60 >
< 00:13:00 >
< 00:13:01 >
< 00:13:02 >
< 00:13:03 >M: This shot’s for the ladies…
< 00:13:04 >
< 00:13:05 >
< 00:13:06 >T: Ohhhh this movie hurts already.
< 00:13:07 >
< 00:13:08 >
< 00:13:09 >
< 00:13:10 >
< 00:13:11 >
< 00:13:12 >
< 00:13:13 >M: Okay Snails, make sure to steal the most worthless and bulky items first…
< 00:13:14 >
< 00:13:15 >
< 00:13:16 >
< 00:13:17 >
< 00:13:18 >
< 00:13:19 >
< 00:13:20 >
< 00:13:21 >M: Dare you to eat what’s in this!
< 00:13:22 >
< 00:13:23 >
< 00:13:24 >
< 00:13:25 >
< 00:13:26 >T: People down the STREET could hear this!
< 00:13:27 >
< 00:13:28 >
< 00:13:29 >
< 00:13:30 >
< 00:13:31 >
< 00:13:32 >T: It’s a giant wizard bong!!
< 00:13:33 >
< 00:13:34 >
< 00:13:35 >
< 00:13:36 >
< 00:13:37 >
< 00:13:38 >
< 00:13:39 >T: It’s the Hellraiser cube! NO!!
< 00:13:40 >
< 00:13:41 >
< 00:13:42 >M: It’s a mini Ark of the Covenant.
< 00:13:43 >
< 00:13:44 >
< 00:13:45 >
< 00:13:46 >T: Did you fart??
< 00:13:47 >
< 00:13:48 >
< 00:13:49 >
< 00:13:50 >
< 00:13:51 >
< 00:13:52 >
< 00:13:53 >
< 00:13:54 >
< 00:13:55 >
< 00:13:56 >
< 00:13:57 >
< 00:13:58 >
< 00:13:59 >T: It’s a demonic jack-in-the-box for kids, silly!
< 00:13:60 >
< 00:14:00 >
< 00:14:01 >
< 00:14:02 >
< 00:14:03 >
< 00:14:04 >
< 00:14:05 >M: Make that screaming noise again.
< 00:14:06 >
< 00:14:07 >
< 00:14:08 >
< 00:14:09 >
< 00:14:10 >
< 00:14:11 >
< 00:14:12 >
< 00:14:13 >
< 00:14:14 >
< 00:14:15 >
< 00:14:16 >
< 00:14:17 >T: We’re the thieves you ordered!
< 00:14:18 >
< 00:14:19 >
< 00:14:20 >
< 00:14:21 >
< 00:14:22 >
< 00:14:23 >
< 00:14:24 >
< 00:14:25 >
< 00:14:26 >
< 00:14:27 >T: Wow.  She’s quick.
< 00:14:28 >
< 00:14:29 >
< 00:14:30 >
< 00:14:31 >
< 00:14:32 >M: Wonder Woman!
< 00:14:33 >
< 00:14:34 >
< 00:14:35 >
< 00:14:36 >
< 00:14:37 >
< 00:14:38 >
< 00:14:39 >
< 00:14:40 >
< 00:14:41 >
< 00:14:42 >*both* OOOOOHH
< 00:14:43 >
< 00:14:44 >
< 00:14:45 >
< 00:14:46 >
< 00:14:47 >*both* OOOOOH!
< 00:14:48 >
< 00:14:49 >
< 00:14:50 >
< 00:14:51 >
< 00:14:52 >
< 00:14:53 >
< 00:14:54 >
< 00:14:55 >
< 00:14:56 >
< 00:14:57 >
< 00:14:58 >
< 00:14:59 >
< 00:14:60 >
< 00:15:00 >
< 00:15:01 >
< 00:15:02 >
< 00:15:03 >
< 00:15:04 >
< 00:15:05 >
< 00:15:06 >T: She’s pointing out all the plot holes for us.
< 00:15:07 >
< 00:15:08 >
< 00:15:09 >
< 00:15:10 >
< 00:15:11 >T: Well just really stupid.
< 00:15:12 >M: Line!
< 00:15:13 >
< 00:15:14 >
< 00:15:15 >
< 00:15:16 >
< 00:15:17 >
< 00:15:18 >T: Can’t get enough of that girly scream of his.  What’s that now, 6 times in 4 minutes?
< 00:15:19 >
< 00:15:20 >
< 00:15:21 >
< 00:15:22 >
< 00:15:23 >
< 00:15:24 >
< 00:15:25 >
< 00:15:26 >
< 00:15:27 >
< 00:15:28 >
< 00:15:29 >
< 00:15:30 >
< 00:15:31 >T: Take the MacGuffin and go!  Quick!
< 00:15:32 >
< 00:15:33 >M: Death by Shiatsu!
< 00:15:34 >
< 00:15:35 >
< 00:15:36 >
< 00:15:37 >
< 00:15:38 >
< 00:15:39 >
< 00:15:40 >
< 00:15:41 >
< 00:15:42 >
< 00:15:43 >
< 00:15:44 >
< 00:15:45 >
< 00:15:46 >T: Beefy!
< 00:15:47 >
< 00:15:48 >
< 00:15:49 >
< 00:15:50 >
< 00:15:51 >
< 00:15:52 >T: Sliders!
< 00:15:53 >
< 00:15:54 >
< 00:15:55 >
< 00:15:56 >
< 00:15:57 >
< 00:15:58 >
< 00:15:59 >
< 00:15:60 >
< 00:16:00 >
< 00:16:01 >
< 00:16:02 >M: Maybe we’re in a better movie!
< 00:16:03 >
< 00:16:04 >
< 00:16:05 >
< 00:16:06 >
< 00:16:07 >
< 00:16:08 >
< 00:16:09 >
< 00:16:10 >
< 00:16:11 >T: Guard (“Um sir, you do know your lips are uhhh…”)
< 00:16:12 >M: Yes, shut up.
< 00:16:13 >
< 00:16:14 >
< 00:16:15 >
< 00:16:16 >
< 00:16:17 >
< 00:16:18 >T: This guy is really not that intimidating.
< 00:16:19 >
< 00:16:20 >
< 00:16:21 >
< 00:16:22 >
< 00:16:23 >
< 00:16:24 >
< 00:16:25 >
< 00:16:26 >
< 00:16:27 >
< 00:16:28 >
< 00:16:29 >
< 00:16:30 >M: Wow, Gimli really hit the skids after Lord of the Rings, man.
< 00:16:31 >
< 00:16:32 >
< 00:16:33 >
< 00:16:34 >
< 00:16:35 >
< 00:16:36 >
< 00:16:37 >
< 00:16:38 >T: NOBODY looks goofier in this movie than me…
< 00:16:39 >
< 00:16:40 >
< 00:16:41 >
< 00:16:42 >
< 00:16:43 >
< 00:16:44 >M: Ya varmint!
< 00:16:45 >
< 00:16:46 >
< 00:16:47 >
< 00:16:48 >
< 00:16:49 >
< 00:16:50 >T: Gay Wolverine!
< 00:16:51 >
< 00:16:52 >
< 00:16:53 >
< 00:16:54 >
< 00:16:55 >
< 00:16:56 >
< 00:16:57 >
< 00:16:58 >
< 00:16:59 >
< 00:16:60 >
< 00:17:00 >T: Note to self: Don’t open magic escape portal into a dead-end alley.
< 00:17:01 >
< 00:17:02 >
< 00:17:03 >
< 00:17:04 >
< 00:17:05 >
< 00:17:06 >
< 00:17:07 >M: I like how the guards are just standing there idling.
< 00:17:08 >
< 00:17:09 >
< 00:17:10 >
< 00:17:11 >
< 00:17:12 >
< 00:17:13 >
< 00:17:14 >
< 00:17:15 >
< 00:17:16 >
< 00:17:17 >
< 00:17:18 >
< 00:17:19 >
< 00:17:20 >M: Say it, don’t spray it.
< 00:17:21 >
< 00:17:22 >T: That was probably overdramatic utterance of that line you can possibly do.
< 00:17:23 >
< 00:17:24 >M: I think it’s because his roommate swapped his chapstick for electric blue lip gloss. 
< 00:17:25 >
< 00:17:26 >
< 00:17:27 >
< 00:17:28 >
< 00:17:29 >M: Walk this way!!
< 00:17:30 >
< 00:17:31 >
< 00:17:32 >
< 00:17:33 >
< 00:17:34 >
< 00:17:35 >
< 00:17:36 >
< 00:17:37 >
< 00:17:38 >
< 00:17:39 >
< 00:17:40 >
< 00:17:41 >T: Remember guys, look as guilty and as conspicuous as possible!
< 00:17:42 >
< 00:17:43 >
< 00:17:44 >
< 00:17:45 >
< 00:17:46 >
< 00:17:47 >
< 00:17:48 >
< 00:17:49 >T: I’m level 4!
< 00:17:50 >
< 00:17:51 >
< 00:17:52 >
< 00:17:53 >
< 00:17:54 >
< 00:17:55 >
< 00:17:56 >
< 00:17:57 >
< 00:17:58 >
< 00:17:59 >
< 00:17:60 >
< 00:18:00 >
< 00:18:01 >
< 00:18:02 >
< 00:18:03 >
< 00:18:04 >
< 00:18:05 >M: He’s taking this rather well.
< 00:18:06 >
< 00:18:07 >
< 00:18:08 >
< 00:18:09 >T: I’m turning myself in!
< 00:18:10 >
< 00:18:11 >
< 00:18:12 >
< 00:18:13 >
< 00:18:14 >
< 00:18:15 >
< 00:18:16 >
< 00:18:17 >
< 00:18:18 >M: There they are!
< 00:18:19 >T: The murderers!
< 00:18:20 >
< 00:18:21 >
< 00:18:22 >
< 00:18:23 >
< 00:18:24 >
< 00:18:25 >
< 00:18:26 >T: Another zoomy CG shot!  YEAH!
< 00:18:27 >
< 00:18:28 >
< 00:18:29 >
< 00:18:30 >
< 00:18:31 >
< 00:18:32 >
< 00:18:33 >M: Dance for me…no no…slowly…
< 00:18:34 >
< 00:18:35 >
< 00:18:36 >
< 00:18:37 >
< 00:18:38 >
< 00:18:39 >
< 00:18:40 >
< 00:18:41 >
< 00:18:42 >
< 00:18:43 >
< 00:18:44 >
< 00:18:45 >
< 00:18:46 >
< 00:18:47 >
< 00:18:48 >
< 00:18:49 >
< 00:18:50 >
< 00:18:51 >
< 00:18:52 >
< 00:18:53 >
< 00:18:54 >
< 00:18:55 >
< 00:18:56 >T: You’re trying to out-act me, aren’t you??
< 00:18:57 >
< 00:18:58 >
< 00:18:59 >
< 00:18:60 >
< 00:19:00 >
< 00:19:01 >
< 00:19:02 >T: Acid reflux!
< 00:19:03 >
< 00:19:04 >
< 00:19:05 >
< 00:19:06 >
< 00:19:07 >
< 00:19:08 >
< 00:19:09 >T: Do you have migraines??
< 00:19:10 >
< 00:19:11 >
< 00:19:12 >
< 00:19:13 >
< 00:19:14 >
< 00:19:15 >
< 00:19:16 >
< 00:19:17 >
< 00:19:18 >
< 00:19:19 >T: Just when you thought he couldn’t look any stupider!
< 00:19:20 >
< 00:19:21 >
< 00:19:22 >
< 00:19:23 >
< 00:19:24 >
< 00:19:25 >
< 00:19:26 >M: Stop it!  I’ll hold my breath until I turn blue!  Oh wait…
< 00:19:27 >
< 00:19:28 >
< 00:19:29 >
< 00:19:30 >
< 00:19:31 >
< 00:19:32 >
< 00:19:33 >T: Magic ear floss!
< 00:19:34 >
< 00:19:35 >M: KHAAAAAAN!!!!
< 00:19:36 >
< 00:19:37 >
< 00:19:38 >
< 00:19:39 >
< 00:19:40 >
< 00:19:41 >
< 00:19:42 >
< 00:19:43 >
< 00:19:44 >
< 00:19:45 >
< 00:19:46 >
< 00:19:47 >
< 00:19:48 >
< 00:19:49 >
< 00:19:50 >
< 00:19:51 >
< 00:19:52 >
< 00:19:53 >
< 00:19:54 >
< 00:19:55 >
< 00:19:56 >
< 00:19:57 >
< 00:19:58 >
< 00:19:59 >
< 00:19:60 >
< 00:20:00 >T: Aw, he has an identity…
< 00:20:01 >
< 00:20:02 >
< 00:20:03 >
< 00:20:04 >M: Don’t touch me like that, sir!  Ohhh ohh please…
< 00:20:05 >
< 00:20:06 >
< 00:20:07 >
< 00:20:08 >
< 00:20:09 >T: I don’t feel so good…
< 00:20:10 >
< 00:20:11 >
< 00:20:12 >
< 00:20:13 >
< 00:20:14 >
< 00:20:15 >
< 00:20:16 >
< 00:20:17 >
< 00:20:18 >
< 00:20:19 >
< 00:20:20 >
< 00:20:21 >M: This is gonna end in a kiss, isn’t it.
< 00:20:22 >
< 00:20:23 >
< 00:20:24 >
< 00:20:25 >T: Don’t fail me, Frog Man.
< 00:20:26 >
< 00:20:27 >*Mos Eisley cantina theme*
< 00:20:28 >
< 00:20:29 >
< 00:20:30 >
< 00:20:31 >
< 00:20:32 >
< 00:20:33 >M: Seen it!  Star Wars cantina scene.  YAWN.
< 00:20:34 >
< 00:20:35 >
< 00:20:36 >
< 00:20:37 >
< 00:20:38 >
< 00:20:39 >
< 00:20:40 >
< 00:20:41 >
< 00:20:42 >
< 00:20:43 >
< 00:20:44 >
< 00:20:45 >T: It’s a Bad Rubber Mask theme bar.
< 00:20:46 >
< 00:20:47 >
< 00:20:48 >
< 00:20:49 >
< 00:20:50 >M: Man this bar SUCKS.
< 00:20:51 >
< 00:20:52 >
< 00:20:53 >
< 00:20:54 >M: I steal his pants!
< 00:20:55 >
< 00:20:56 >
< 00:20:57 >
< 00:20:58 >
< 00:20:59 >
< 00:20:60 >
< 00:21:00 >
< 00:21:01 >
< 00:21:02 >
< 00:21:03 >
< 00:21:04 >
< 00:21:05 >
< 00:21:06 >
< 00:21:07 >T: So medieval dwarves have really stupid clothes and have big fake prosthetic beards?
< 00:21:08 >
< 00:21:09 >
< 00:21:10 >
< 00:21:11 >
< 00:21:12 >
< 00:21:13 >
< 00:21:14 >
< 00:21:15 >
< 00:21:16 >
< 00:21:17 >
< 00:21:18 >
< 00:21:19 >
< 00:21:20 >M: Look what Snails is doing to that thing!  STOP IT!
< 00:21:21 >
< 00:21:22 >
< 00:21:23 >
< 00:21:24 >
< 00:21:25 >
< 00:21:26 >
< 00:21:27 >
< 00:21:28 >
< 00:21:29 >
< 00:21:30 >*BANG*
< 00:21:31 >
< 00:21:32 >
< 00:21:33 >
< 00:21:34 >
< 00:21:35 >
< 00:21:36 >
< 00:21:37 >
< 00:21:38 >
< 00:21:39 >
< 00:21:40 >
< 00:21:41 >
< 00:21:42 >
< 00:21:43 >
< 00:21:44 >M: This is really witty stuff.
< 00:21:45 >
< 00:21:46 >
< 00:21:47 >
< 00:21:48 >
< 00:21:49 >
< 00:21:50 >
< 00:21:51 >
< 00:21:52 >
< 00:21:53 >
< 00:21:54 >
< 00:21:55 >
< 00:21:56 >
< 00:21:57 >
< 00:21:58 >
< 00:21:59 >
< 00:21:60 >
< 00:22:00 >T: Oh god this scene sucks.  Why don’t you eat ME??
< 00:22:01 >
< 00:22:02 >
< 00:22:03 >
< 00:22:04 >
< 00:22:05 >
< 00:22:06 >
< 00:22:07 >
< 00:22:08 >
< 00:22:09 >
< 00:22:10 >
< 00:22:11 >
< 00:22:12 >
< 00:22:13 >*eating sounds*
< 00:22:14 >
< 00:22:15 >
< 00:22:16 >
< 00:22:17 >
< 00:22:18 >
< 00:22:19 >
< 00:22:20 >T: That hairdo is in desperate need of help.
< 00:22:21 >
< 00:22:22 >
< 00:22:23 >
< 00:22:24 >
< 00:22:25 >
< 00:22:26 >
< 00:22:27 >
< 00:22:28 >
< 00:22:29 >
< 00:22:30 >
< 00:22:31 >M: Dungeons & Schoolyard Bickering!
< 00:22:32 >
< 00:22:33 >
< 00:22:34 >
< 00:22:35 >
< 00:22:36 >
< 00:22:37 >
< 00:22:38 >
< 00:22:39 >
< 00:22:40 >
< 00:22:41 >T: SHUT UP!  SHUT UP SHUT UP!
< 00:22:42 >
< 00:22:43 >
< 00:22:44 >
< 00:22:45 >
< 00:22:46 >
< 00:22:47 >
< 00:22:48 >
< 00:22:49 >
< 00:22:50 >
< 00:22:51 >
< 00:22:52 >
< 00:22:53 >
< 00:22:54 >
< 00:22:55 >T: Yay!  He’s gone!
< 00:22:56 >
< 00:22:57 >M: He stores most of his food in his beard for later.
< 00:22:58 >
< 00:22:59 >
< 00:22:60 >
< 00:23:00 >
< 00:23:01 >
< 00:23:02 >
< 00:23:03 >
< 00:23:04 >
< 00:23:05 >
< 00:23:06 >
< 00:23:07 >
< 00:23:08 >
< 00:23:09 >
< 00:23:10 >
< 00:23:11 >T: More loot for me!
< 00:23:12 >
< 00:23:13 >M: Well this is great, I hope they all disappear and we just watch the dwarf finish eating!
< 00:23:14 >
< 00:23:15 >
< 00:23:16 >
< 00:23:17 >
< 00:23:18 >
< 00:23:19 >
< 00:23:20 >M: The passion of the henchman…
< 00:23:21 >
< 00:23:22 >T: Go inside for me and pick up some blue lip gloss.  I’m embarrassed.
< 00:23:23 >
< 00:23:24 >
< 00:23:25 >
< 00:23:26 >
< 00:23:27 >
< 00:23:28 >
< 00:23:29 >
< 00:23:30 >
< 00:23:31 >
< 00:23:32 >M: As silly as he looks, at least he doesn’t have nipples on his suit.
< 00:23:33 >
< 00:23:34 >T: That’s not saying much.
< 00:23:35 >
< 00:23:36 >
< 00:23:37 >
< 00:23:38 >
< 00:23:39 >
< 00:23:40 >
< 00:23:41 >
< 00:23:42 >
< 00:23:43 >
< 00:23:44 >T: You will wear plastic armor like mine and paint your lips yellow!
< 00:23:45 >
< 00:23:46 >
< 00:23:47 >
< 00:23:48 >
< 00:23:49 >
< 00:23:50 >T: Dr. Phil when he had hair!
< 00:23:51 >
< 00:23:52 >
< 00:23:53 >
< 00:23:54 >
< 00:23:55 >
< 00:23:56 >
< 00:23:57 >
< 00:23:58 >
< 00:23:59 >
< 00:23:60 >
< 00:24:00 >M: Gimli’s drunk again!
< 00:24:01 >
< 00:24:02 >
< 00:24:03 >
< 00:24:04 >
< 00:24:05 >
< 00:24:06 >
< 00:24:07 >
< 00:24:08 >T: Halle Berry!
< 00:24:09 >
< 00:24:10 >
< 00:24:11 >
< 00:24:12 >
< 00:24:13 >
< 00:24:14 >
< 00:24:15 >
< 00:24:16 >
< 00:24:17 >
< 00:24:18 >
< 00:24:19 >
< 00:24:20 >M: That’s a dude!
< 00:24:21 >
< 00:24:22 >
< 00:24:23 >
< 00:24:24 >
< 00:24:25 >
< 00:24:26 >T: I know what kinda meat he’s talkin’ about.
< 00:24:27 >
< 00:24:28 >
< 00:24:29 >
< 00:24:30 >
< 00:24:31 >M: EEEW!!
< 00:24:32 >T: Aw no!!
< 00:24:33 >
< 00:24:34 >
< 00:24:35 >
< 00:24:36 >
< 00:24:37 >T: Does sound nasty now that I think about it…
< 00:24:38 >
< 00:24:39 >
< 00:24:40 >
< 00:24:41 >
< 00:24:42 >
< 00:24:43 >
< 00:24:44 >
< 00:24:45 >M: Aren’t all these people so phony?
< 00:24:46 >
< 00:24:47 >
< 00:24:48 >
< 00:24:49 >
< 00:24:50 >
< 00:24:51 >
< 00:24:52 >
< 00:24:53 >
< 00:24:54 >
< 00:24:55 >M: It’s Tuvok!
< 00:24:56 >
< 00:24:57 >
< 00:24:58 >
< 00:24:59 >
< 00:24:60 >
< 00:25:00 >
< 00:25:01 >
< 00:25:02 >
< 00:25:03 >T: Stab him!  Stab him now!
< 00:25:04 >
< 00:25:05 >
< 00:25:06 >
< 00:25:07 >
< 00:25:08 >
< 00:25:09 >
< 00:25:10 >
< 00:25:11 >T: Check out my Wand of Wonder, baby.
< 00:25:12 >
< 00:25:13 >
< 00:25:14 >
< 00:25:15 >
< 00:25:16 >
< 00:25:17 >
< 00:25:18 >
< 00:25:19 >
< 00:25:20 >
< 00:25:21 >
< 00:25:22 >M: We have wine?
< 00:25:23 >
< 00:25:24 >
< 00:25:25 >
< 00:25:26 >
< 00:25:27 >
< 00:25:28 >
< 00:25:29 >
< 00:25:30 >M: Kitchen alert!
< 00:25:31 >
< 00:25:32 >
< 00:25:33 >T: Clint Eastwood as “The Dwarf!”
< 00:25:34 >
< 00:25:35 >
< 00:25:36 >
< 00:25:37 >
< 00:25:38 >
< 00:25:39 >M: Darth Bald!
< 00:25:40 >
< 00:25:41 >
< 00:25:42 >
< 00:25:43 >
< 00:25:44 >M: time ta make a run for the border, laddie! If ya know what I mean!
< 00:25:45 >
< 00:25:46 >
< 00:25:47 >
< 00:25:48 >T: Bring me a blueberry dachary. 
< 00:25:49 >
< 00:25:50 >
< 00:25:51 >
< 00:25:52 >
< 00:25:53 >
< 00:25:54 >
< 00:25:55 >T: Waitress!
< 00:25:56 >
< 00:25:57 >
< 00:25:58 >
< 00:25:59 >
< 00:25:60 >
< 00:26:00 >
< 00:26:01 >
< 00:26:02 >M: Ohhhh don’t let the bathroom be full…don’t let it be full…
< 00:26:03 >
< 00:26:04 >
< 00:26:05 >
< 00:26:06 >
< 00:26:07 >
< 00:26:08 >
< 00:26:09 >
< 00:26:10 >
< 00:26:11 >
< 00:26:12 >T: You know in Stuntman Bars you can just yell “Barfight” and they’ll get right to it.
< 00:26:13 >
< 00:26:14 >
< 00:26:15 >
< 00:26:16 >M: Swing at random people!  Barfight!  Yaaah!
< 00:26:17 >
< 00:26:18 >
< 00:26:19 >
< 00:26:20 >
< 00:26:21 >
< 00:26:22 >T: Come on Dr. Jones, no time for love!
< 00:26:23 >
< 00:26:24 >
< 00:26:25 >
< 00:26:26 >
< 00:26:27 >
< 00:26:28 >
< 00:26:29 >
< 00:26:30 >
< 00:26:31 >
< 00:26:32 >
< 00:26:33 >
< 00:26:34 >M: Elves can’t barfight!!
< 00:26:35 >T: Yeah!
< 00:26:36 >
< 00:26:37 >
< 00:26:38 >
< 00:26:39 >
< 00:26:40 >
< 00:26:41 >T: You’d think a guy that size would be better in a mosh pit.
< 00:26:42 >
< 00:26:43 >
< 00:26:44 >
< 00:26:45 >
< 00:26:46 >
< 00:26:47 >
< 00:26:48 >
< 00:26:49 >
< 00:26:50 >
< 00:26:51 >
< 00:26:52 >
< 00:26:53 >
< 00:26:54 >
< 00:26:55 >
< 00:26:56 >M: I’m Rick James, bitch!
< 00:26:57 >
< 00:26:58 >
< 00:26:59 >
< 00:26:60 >
< 00:27:00 >
< 00:27:01 >
< 00:27:02 >
< 00:27:03 >
< 00:27:04 >
< 00:27:05 >
< 00:27:06 >
< 00:27:07 >
< 00:27:08 >
< 00:27:09 >
< 00:27:10 >T: Who put up the floodlights in the forest?
< 00:27:11 >
< 00:27:12 >
< 00:27:13 >
< 00:27:14 >
< 00:27:15 >
< 00:27:16 >
< 00:27:17 >
< 00:27:18 >
< 00:27:19 >
< 00:27:20 >
< 00:27:21 >
< 00:27:22 >
< 00:27:23 >
< 00:27:24 >
< 00:27:25 >
< 00:27:26 >T: He’s the medieval thief that talks ebonics!
< 00:27:27 >
< 00:27:28 >
< 00:27:29 >
< 00:27:30 >
< 00:27:31 >
< 00:27:32 >
< 00:27:33 >
< 00:27:34 >
< 00:27:35 >
< 00:27:36 >
< 00:27:37 >
< 00:27:38 >
< 00:27:39 >
< 00:27:40 >M: Oh I heard this joke before.
< 00:27:41 >
< 00:27:42 >
< 00:27:43 >T: You followin’ this stuff, folks?
< 00:27:44 >
< 00:27:45 >
< 00:27:46 >
< 00:27:47 >
< 00:27:48 >
< 00:27:49 >
< 00:27:50 >
< 00:27:51 >
< 00:27:52 >
< 00:27:53 >
< 00:27:54 >T: Testify!
< 00:27:55 >
< 00:27:56 >
< 00:27:57 >
< 00:27:58 >
< 00:27:59 >
< 00:27:60 >
< 00:28:00 >
< 00:28:01 >
< 00:28:02 >
< 00:28:03 >
< 00:28:04 >
< 00:28:05 >M: We have to get the costumes back by Sunday.
< 00:28:06 >
< 00:28:07 >
< 00:28:08 >
< 00:28:09 >
< 00:28:10 >
< 00:28:11 >
< 00:28:12 >
< 00:28:13 >
< 00:28:14 >
< 00:28:15 >
< 00:28:16 >
< 00:28:17 >
< 00:28:18 >
< 00:28:19 >
< 00:28:20 >
< 00:28:21 >
< 00:28:22 >
< 00:28:23 >M: Cause she’s hot!
< 00:28:24 >
< 00:28:25 >
< 00:28:26 >
< 00:28:27 >
< 00:28:28 >
< 00:28:29 >
< 00:28:30 >
< 00:28:31 >
< 00:28:32 >
< 00:28:33 >T: This guy is rapidly approaching Chris Tucker levels of annoying…
< 00:28:34 >
< 00:28:35 >
< 00:28:36 >
< 00:28:37 >
< 00:28:38 >
< 00:28:39 >
< 00:28:40 >
< 00:28:41 >
< 00:28:42 >
< 00:28:43 >T: Dungeons & Whiners!
< 00:28:44 >
< 00:28:45 >
< 00:28:46 >
< 00:28:47 >
< 00:28:48 >
< 00:28:49 >
< 00:28:50 >
< 00:28:51 >M: Amen to that!
< 00:28:52 >
< 00:28:53 >
< 00:28:54 >
< 00:28:55 >
< 00:28:56 >
< 00:28:57 >
< 00:28:58 >
< 00:28:59 >
< 00:28:60 >
< 00:29:00 >T: Oh my god, come on, don’t do this!
< 00:29:01 >
< 00:29:02 >
< 00:29:03 >M: Incoming smug reverse psychology…
< 00:29:04 >
< 00:29:05 >
< 00:29:06 >
< 00:29:07 >
< 00:29:08 >T: This is supposed to be clever, but I just want to hurt him badly.
< 00:29:09 >
< 00:29:10 >
< 00:29:11 >
< 00:29:12 >
< 00:29:13 >
< 00:29:14 >
< 00:29:15 >
< 00:29:16 >
< 00:29:17 >
< 00:29:18 >
< 00:29:19 >
< 00:29:20 >
< 00:29:21 >
< 00:29:22 >
< 00:29:23 >
< 00:29:24 >
< 00:29:25 >
< 00:29:26 >
< 00:29:27 >
< 00:29:28 >
< 00:29:29 >M: This plan doesn’t really work when she’s three feet away.
< 00:29:30 >
< 00:29:31 >
< 00:29:32 >
< 00:29:33 >
< 00:29:34 >T: Oh I just hope Treebeard steps on ALL OF YOU!
< 00:29:35 >
< 00:29:36 >
< 00:29:37 >
< 00:29:38 >
< 00:29:39 >
< 00:29:40 >T: WHY DO WE KEEP CUTTING BACK TO HER!! SHE HAS NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE TO THIS CONVERSATION!!  GAAAH!
< 00:29:41 >
< 00:29:42 >
< 00:29:43 >
< 00:29:44 >
< 00:29:45 >
< 00:29:46 >
< 00:29:47 >
< 00:29:48 >
< 00:29:49 > *Bad Boys AAAAAAHHHH*
< 00:29:50 >
< 00:29:51 >
< 00:29:52 >
< 00:29:53 >
< 00:29:54 >
< 00:29:55 >
< 00:29:56 >
< 00:29:57 >
< 00:29:58 >
< 00:29:59 >
< 00:29:60 >
< 00:30:00 >
< 00:30:01 >
< 00:30:02 >
< 00:30:03 >
< 00:30:04 >
< 00:30:05 >
< 00:30:06 >
< 00:30:07 >
< 00:30:08 >
< 00:30:09 >
< 00:30:10 >
< 00:30:11 >
< 00:30:12 >
< 00:30:13 >
< 00:30:14 >
< 00:30:15 >
< 00:30:16 >M: (Dwarf) Was this scene supposed to be funny?
< 00:30:17 >
< 00:30:18 >
< 00:30:19 >T: Ooooh I can’t believe I’m in this movie…
< 00:30:20 >
< 00:30:21 >
< 00:30:22 >
< 00:30:23 >
< 00:30:24 >
< 00:30:25 >
< 00:30:26 >
< 00:30:27 >
< 00:30:28 >
< 00:30:29 >
< 00:30:30 >T: Halle Berry is Legolas in “The Silmarillion!”
< 00:30:31 >
< 00:30:32 >M: It was a land of matte paintings and sorcery!
< 00:30:33 >
< 00:30:34 >
< 00:30:35 >
< 00:30:36 >
< 00:30:37 >
< 00:30:38 >
< 00:30:39 >
< 00:30:40 >
< 00:30:41 >
< 00:30:42 >
< 00:30:43 >
< 00:30:44 >
< 00:30:45 >
< 00:30:46 >
< 00:30:47 >
< 00:30:48 >
< 00:30:49 >T: Have some plague blankets!
< 00:30:50 >
< 00:30:51 >
< 00:30:52 >M: Somebody spank me!  Come on!  Thank you sir, may I have another!
< 00:30:53 >
< 00:30:54 >
< 00:30:55 >
< 00:30:56 >T: They’re handing out bags of Crown Royal.
< 00:30:57 >
< 00:30:58 >
< 00:30:59 >
< 00:30:60 >
< 00:31:00 >
< 00:31:01 >M: Ummm…huzzah, I think.
< 00:31:02 >
< 00:31:03 >
< 00:31:04 >
< 00:31:05 >
< 00:31:06 >
< 00:31:07 >
< 00:31:08 >
< 00:31:09 >
< 00:31:10 >
< 00:31:11 >
< 00:31:12 >
< 00:31:13 >
< 00:31:14 >
< 00:31:15 >
< 00:31:16 >T: HAH!  Did I just see that?
< 00:31:17 >
< 00:31:18 >
< 00:31:19 >
< 00:31:20 >
< 00:31:21 >T: It’s Blue Lips.  He finally had the operation to paint his whole head.
< 00:31:22 >
< 00:31:23 >
< 00:31:24 >
< 00:31:25 >
< 00:31:26 >
< 00:31:27 >
< 00:31:28 >
< 00:31:29 > M: So you just start following random purple people?
< 00:31:30 >
< 00:31:31 >
< 00:31:32 >
< 00:31:33 >
< 00:31:34 >M: These guys are about as stealthy as a plane crash.
< 00:31:35 >
< 00:31:36 >
< 00:31:37 >
< 00:31:38 >
< 00:31:39 >
< 00:31:40 >
< 00:31:41 >
< 00:31:42 >T: These guys have strange personal space issues.
< 00:31:43 >
< 00:31:44 >
< 00:31:45 >
< 00:31:46 >
< 00:31:47 >
< 00:31:48 >
< 00:31:49 >M: HEY CAN YOU TAKE US TO THE THIEVES’ GUILD??
< 00:31:50 >
< 00:31:51 >
< 00:31:52 >
< 00:31:53 >
< 00:31:54 >
< 00:31:55 >
< 00:31:56 >
< 00:31:57 >
< 00:31:58 >
< 00:31:59 >
< 00:31:60 >
< 00:32:00 >
< 00:32:01 >
< 00:32:02 >
< 00:32:03 >
< 00:32:04 >T: Don’t. Stare. At. My. Eye!
< 00:32:05 >
< 00:32:06 >
< 00:32:07 >
< 00:32:08 >
< 00:32:09 >
< 00:32:10 >
< 00:32:11 >T: What an eccentric performance.
< 00:32:12 >
< 00:32:13 >
< 00:32:14 >M: I think he just came on to me, Snails.
< 00:32:15 >
< 00:32:16 >
< 00:32:17 >
< 00:32:18 >
< 00:32:19 >T: Wonder if he’s a natural redhead.
< 00:32:20 >
< 00:32:21 >
< 00:32:22 >
< 00:32:23 >
< 00:32:24 >
< 00:32:25 >
< 00:32:26 >
< 00:32:27 >
< 00:32:28 >
< 00:32:29 >
< 00:32:30 >
< 00:32:31 >
< 00:32:32 >
< 00:32:33 >
< 00:32:34 >T: He’s hard to miss, I know.
< 00:32:35 >
< 00:32:36 >
< 00:32:37 >
< 00:32:38 >M: He’s being followed by a green guy!
< 00:32:39 >
< 00:32:40 >
< 00:32:41 >
< 00:32:42 >
< 00:32:43 >
< 00:32:44 >
< 00:32:45 >
< 00:32:46 >
< 00:32:47 >
< 00:32:48 >
< 00:32:49 >
< 00:32:50 >
< 00:32:51 >
< 00:32:52 >
< 00:32:53 >
< 00:32:54 >T: It’d be a really great scene if this guy got caught and they chopped his hands off.
< 00:32:55 >
< 00:32:56 >
< 00:32:57 >
< 00:32:58 >
< 00:32:59 >
< 00:32:60 >
< 00:33:00 > *Both* Frodo!!
< 00:33:01 >
< 00:33:02 >
< 00:33:03 >
< 00:33:04 >
< 00:33:05 >
< 00:33:06 >
< 00:33:07 >
< 00:33:08 >
< 00:33:09 >
< 00:33:10 >
< 00:33:11 >
< 00:33:12 >
< 00:33:13 >
< 00:33:14 >
< 00:33:15 >
< 00:33:16 >
< 00:33:17 >
< 00:33:18 >
< 00:33:19 >
< 00:33:20 > T: Oh this place might as well have a sign on it that says THIEVES’ GUILD.
< 00:33:21 >
< 00:33:22 > M: How do you MISS this place?
< 00:33:23 >
< 00:33:24 >
< 00:33:25 >
< 00:33:26 >
< 00:33:27 >
< 00:33:28 >
< 00:33:29 >
< 00:33:30 >
< 00:33:31 >
< 00:33:32 >T: Aw the Guild is all booked up.  we should have made reservations.
< 00:33:33 >
< 00:33:34 >
< 00:33:35 >
< 00:33:36 >
< 00:33:37 >
< 00:33:38 >
< 00:33:39 >
< 00:33:40 >
< 00:33:41 >
< 00:33:42 >T: This isn’t so much a thieves’ guild, more like the inside of an Appleby’s.
< 00:33:43 >
< 00:33:44 >
< 00:33:45 >
< 00:33:46 >
< 00:33:47 >
< 00:33:48 >
< 00:33:49 >
< 00:33:50 >
< 00:33:51 >
< 00:33:52 >
< 00:33:53 >
< 00:33:54 >
< 00:33:55 > T: How do you let these guys sneak up on you??
< 00:33:56 >
< 00:33:57 > 
< 00:33:58 >M: Jason Statham on the left and the Jolly Green Giant on the right.
< 00:33:59 >
< 00:33:60 >
< 00:34:00 >T: I think he looks more like Gumby.
< 00:34:01 >
< 00:34:02 >
< 00:34:03 >
< 00:34:04 >
< 00:34:05 >
< 00:34:06 >
< 00:34:07 >T: They kinda look like a monster metal band.
< 00:34:08 >
< 00:34:09 >
< 00:34:10 >
< 00:34:11 >
< 00:34:12 >
< 00:34:13 >
< 00:34:14 >
< 00:34:15 >
< 00:34:16 >
< 00:34:17 >
< 00:34:18 >
< 00:34:19 >
< 00:34:20 >T: It’s as if every frame of this movie was made to make you grit your teeth.
< 00:34:21 >
< 00:34:22 >
< 00:34:23 >
< 00:34:24 >
< 00:34:25 >
< 00:34:26 >
< 00:34:27 >
< 00:34:28 >
< 00:34:29 >
< 00:34:30 >
< 00:34:31 >
< 00:34:32 >
< 00:34:33 >
< 00:34:34 >
< 00:34:35 >
< 00:34:36 >
< 00:34:37 > M: Hello!
< 00:34:38 >
< 00:34:39 >
< 00:34:40 >
< 00:34:41 >
< 00:34:42 >
< 00:34:43 >
< 00:34:44 >
< 00:34:45 >
< 00:34:46 >
< 00:34:47 >
< 00:34:48 >M: Dungeons & Gay Fashion!
< 00:34:49 >
< 00:34:50 >
< 00:34:51 >
< 00:34:52 >
< 00:34:53 >T: Looks like he stepped right off the set of Rocky Horror.
< 00:34:54 >
< 00:34:55 >
< 00:34:56 >
< 00:34:57 >
< 00:34:58 >
< 00:34:59 >
< 00:34:60 >
< 00:35:00 >M: I’d like to tap that ass!
< 00:35:01 >
< 00:35:02 >
< 00:35:03 >
< 00:35:04 >
< 00:35:05 >
< 00:35:06 >
< 00:35:07 >
< 00:35:08 >
< 00:35:09 >
< 00:35:10 >
< 00:35:11 >
< 00:35:12 >
< 00:35:13 >
< 00:35:14 >
< 00:35:15 >
< 00:35:16 >
< 00:35:17 >
< 00:35:18 >
< 00:35:19 >
< 00:35:20 >
< 00:35:21 >
< 00:35:22 >
< 00:35:23 >
< 00:35:24 >
< 00:35:25 >
< 00:35:26 >
< 00:35:27 >
< 00:35:28 >M: It’s just a jump to the left…
< 00:35:29 >
< 00:35:30 >
< 00:35:31 >
< 00:35:32 >
< 00:35:33 >
< 00:35:34 >
< 00:35:35 >T: Sounds like about 15 minutes of movie padding to me!  Let’s rock!
< 00:35:36 >
< 00:35:37 >
< 00:35:38 >
< 00:35:39 >
< 00:35:40 >
< 00:35:41 >
< 00:35:42 >
< 00:35:43 >M: His face is like The Grinch.
< 00:35:44 >
< 00:35:45 >
< 00:35:46 >
< 00:35:47 >
< 00:35:48 >T: Otherwise you’d just look pretty stupid going in there.  Cheers!
< 00:35:49 >
< 00:35:50 >
< 00:35:51 >
< 00:35:52 >
< 00:35:53 >
< 00:35:54 >
< 00:35:55 >M: Try the Kiddie Maze first and win a plush toy.
< 00:35:56 >
< 00:35:57 >
< 00:35:58 >
< 00:35:59 >
< 00:35:60 >
< 00:36:00 >
< 00:36:01 >
< 00:36:02 >M: Few men can survive my ancient mini golf course…
< 00:36:03 >
< 00:36:04 >
< 00:36:05 >
< 00:36:06 >
< 00:36:07 >
< 00:36:08 >
< 00:36:09 >
< 00:36:10 >
< 00:36:11 >
< 00:36:12 >T: This scene was put in purely so we could claim that there are indeed Dungeons AND Dragons in this scene.
< 00:36:13 >
< 00:36:14 >
< 00:36:15 >
< 00:36:16 >
< 00:36:17 >
< 00:36:18 >
< 00:36:19 >
< 00:36:20 >
< 00:36:21 >
< 00:36:22 >
< 00:36:23 >
< 00:36:24 >
< 00:36:25 >
< 00:36:26 >
< 00:36:27 >
< 00:36:28 >T: What has it got in its pockets, Gollumm…
< 00:36:29 >
< 00:36:30 >
< 00:36:31 >
< 00:36:32 >
< 00:36:33 >
< 00:36:34 >
< 00:36:35 >
< 00:36:36 >
< 00:36:37 >
< 00:36:38 >
< 00:36:39 >
< 00:36:40 >M: Wow he set off a completely useless trap.
< 00:36:41 >
< 00:36:42 >T: Well…it might kill a Halfling up under the chin.
< 00:36:43 >
< 00:36:44 >
< 00:36:45 >
< 00:36:46 >M: Let me guess.  The light beam is the trap.
< 00:36:47 >
< 00:36:48 >
< 00:36:49 >T: Yeah he must have seen Indiana Jones, too.
< 00:36:50 >
< 00:36:51 >
< 00:36:52 >
< 00:36:53 >
< 00:36:54 >
< 00:36:55 >T: Oh just DO IT.
< 00:36:56 >
< 00:36:57 >
< 00:36:58 >
< 00:36:59 >
< 00:36:60 >M: SEEN IT.
< 00:37:00 >T: Taped it.
< 00:37:01 >
< 00:37:02 >
< 00:37:03 >
< 00:37:04 >
< 00:37:05 >
< 00:37:06 >
< 00:37:07 >
< 00:37:08 >
< 00:37:09 >
< 00:37:10 >
< 00:37:11 >
< 00:37:12 >
< 00:37:13 >
< 00:37:14 >
< 00:37:15 >
< 00:37:16 >
< 00:37:17 >
< 00:37:18 >
< 00:37:19 >
< 00:37:20 >
< 00:37:21 >
< 00:37:22 >
< 00:37:23 >
< 00:37:24 >
< 00:37:25 >
< 00:37:26 >
< 00:37:27 >
< 00:37:28 >T: Two men enter!  One man leaves!  Two men enter!
< 00:37:29 >
< 00:37:30 >
< 00:37:31 >
< 00:37:32 >
< 00:37:33 >
< 00:37:34 >
< 00:37:35 >
< 00:37:36 >T: You’d make a Sweet Transvestite…
< 00:37:37 >
< 00:37:38 >
< 00:37:39 >
< 00:37:40 >
< 00:37:41 >
< 00:37:42 >
< 00:37:43 >
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< 00:37:53 >
< 00:37:54 >
< 00:37:55 >
< 00:37:56 >
< 00:37:57 >
< 00:37:58 >M: Check it out, Ridley goes both ways!  I knew it!
< 00:37:59 >
< 00:37:60 >
< 00:38:00 >
< 00:38:01 >
< 00:38:02 >
< 00:38:03 >
< 00:38:04 >
< 00:38:05 >
< 00:38:06 >
< 00:38:07 >
< 00:38:08 >
< 00:38:09 >
< 00:38:10 >
< 00:38:11 >M: Friction would eventually stop these things anyway, but screw it!  It’s fun!
< 00:38:12 >
< 00:38:13 >
< 00:38:14 >
< 00:38:15 >
< 00:38:16 >
< 00:38:17 >
< 00:38:18 >
< 00:38:19 >
< 00:38:20 >Booooo!
< 00:38:21 >Show off!
< 00:38:22 >
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< 00:38:38 >
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< 00:38:42 >
< 00:38:43 >
< 00:38:44 >M: Wonder what could possibly come out of those holes in the middle of the eyes.  WAAH!
< 00:38:45 >
< 00:38:46 >T: Oh come on, he blundered right into the trap!  Why isn’t he dead?
< 00:38:47 >
< 00:38:48 >
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< 00:39:14 >
< 00:39:15 >
< 00:39:16 >T: Ridley’s figured it out.  Fire BAD!
< 00:39:17 >
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< 00:39:39 >
< 00:39:40 >
< 00:39:41 >M: Now we’re just stealing everything from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  Why not just let him spell Jehovah?
< 00:39:42 >
< 00:39:43 >
< 00:39:44 >
< 00:39:45 >
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< 00:39:54 >
< 00:39:55 >
< 00:39:56 >T: I think he’s more concerned about mussing up his hair.
< 00:39:57 >
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< 00:39:60 >
< 00:40:00 >
< 00:40:01 >
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< 00:40:06 >
< 00:40:07 >
< 00:40:08 >T: So you can just run full-tilt through the fire room?  This dungeon sucks.
< 00:40:09 >
< 00:40:10 >M: Dungeons & Stunt Doubles!
< 00:40:11 >
< 00:40:12 >
< 00:40:13 >
< 00:40:14 >
< 00:40:15 >
< 00:40:16 >
< 00:40:17 >
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< 00:40:28 >
< 00:40:29 >
< 00:40:30 >M: AW and NOW they’re stealing from Temple of Doom!  JEEZ!
< 00:40:31 >
< 00:40:32 >T: We’ve just run the gamut of Indiana Jones movies!  What the hell!
< 00:40:33 >
< 00:40:34 >
< 00:40:35 >
< 00:40:36 >
< 00:40:37 >
< 00:40:38 >
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< 00:40:48 >
< 00:40:49 >
< 00:40:50 >T: And it just all falls on him!  PLEASE!
< 00:40:51 >
< 00:40:52 >
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< 00:40:55 >
< 00:40:56 >
< 00:40:57 >
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< 00:40:60 >
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< 00:41:02 >
< 00:41:03 >
< 00:41:04 >M: I guess this means he won Ben Stein’s money.
< 00:41:05 >
< 00:41:06 >
< 00:41:07 >
< 00:41:08 >T: What, the dungeon is a total of 4 rooms?  What a ripoff!
< 00:41:09 >
< 00:41:10 >
< 00:41:11 >
< 00:41:12 >
< 00:41:13 >T: Okay…good, steal from Conan the Destroyer, good.
< 00:41:14 >
< 00:41:15 >
< 00:41:16 >
< 00:41:17 >
< 00:41:18 >M: aaaaand back to Raiders of the Lost Ark.
< 00:41:19 >
< 00:41:20 >
< 00:41:21 >
< 00:41:22 >
< 00:41:23 >
< 00:41:24 >
< 00:41:25 >
< 00:41:26 >
< 00:41:27 >
< 00:41:28 >T: FIRE GLYPH!!  DAMN!
< 00:41:29 >
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< 00:41:33 >
< 00:41:34 >
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< 00:41:40 >
< 00:41:41 >
< 00:41:42 >M: Eeh, that’s not the size of his fist.  More the size of his brain.
< 00:41:43 >
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< 00:42:02 >
< 00:42:03 >
< 00:42:04 >M: D’oh!
< 00:42:05 >
< 00:42:06 > T: WHAT DO YOU MEAN you’ve been waiting years!  You could have just walked along the top of the walls or cut the bars off the viewing gallery!
< 00:42:07 >
< 00:42:08 >
< 00:42:09 >
< 00:42:10 >
< 00:42:11 >
< 00:42:12 >
< 00:42:13 >M: Doctor Jones, once again you see that there is nothing you posess which I cannot take away!
< 00:42:14 >
< 00:42:15 >
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< 00:42:17 >
< 00:42:18 >
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< 00:42:28 >
< 00:42:29 >
< 00:42:30 >T: Sorry!
< 00:42:31 >
< 00:42:32 >
< 00:42:33 >T: *sing Der Kommissar*
< 00:42:34 >
< 00:42:35 >
< 00:42:36 >
< 00:42:37 >
< 00:42:38 >
< 00:42:39 >M: How did the arrows fly that way from the stairwell!  They must have turned 90 degrees.  They must be magic arrows or something.
< 00:42:40 >
< 00:42:41 >
< 00:42:42 >T: I am Pricilla, Queen of the Desert!
< 00:42:43 >
< 00:42:44 >
< 00:42:45 >
< 00:42:46 >
< 00:42:47 >
< 00:42:48 >
< 00:42:49 >
< 00:42:50 >
< 00:42:51 >
< 00:42:52 >T: You’re about half as intimidating as me, and that’s SAD.
< 00:42:53 >
< 00:42:54 >
< 00:42:55 >
< 00:42:56 >
< 00:42:57 >
< 00:42:58 >
< 00:42:59 >
< 00:42:60 >
< 00:43:00 >M: This coming from a man in blue lipstick.
< 00:43:01 >
< 00:43:02 >
< 00:43:03 >
< 00:43:04 >
< 00:43:05 >
< 00:43:06 >T: I’ve got it!  This is an over-acting competition.
< 00:43:07 >
< 00:43:08 >
< 00:43:09 >
< 00:43:10 >
< 00:43:11 >
< 00:43:12 >
< 00:43:13 >
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< 00:43:15 >
< 00:43:16 >
< 00:43:17 >
< 00:43:18 >
< 00:43:19 >M: Costumes by Devo.
< 00:43:20 >
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< 00:43:24 >
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< 00:43:33 >
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< 00:43:35 >
< 00:43:36 >
< 00:43:37 >T: 
< 00:43:38 >
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< 00:43:41 >
< 00:43:42 > 
< 00:43:43 >
< 00:43:44 >
< 00:43:45 >
< 00:43:46 > M: Barfight!
< 00:43:47 >
< 00:43:48 >
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< 00:43:50 >
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< 00:44:06 >
< 00:44:07 >
< 00:44:08 >
< 00:44:09 >
< 00:44:10 >T: Now we’re stealing from the Temple of Doom again!  This is unbelievable!
< 00:44:11 >
< 00:44:12 >
< 00:44:13 >
< 00:44:14 >M: Quick men, get the giant doobie!
< 00:44:15 >
< 00:44:16 >
< 00:44:17 >
< 00:44:18 >
< 00:44:19 >
< 00:44:20 >M: He’s wearing Cuban Heels!
< 00:44:21 >
< 00:44:22 >T: I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise.
< 00:44:23 >
< 00:44:24 >
< 00:44:25 >
< 00:44:26 >
< 00:44:27 >
< 00:44:28 >
< 00:44:29 >
< 00:44:30 >T: Obviously this thief has a proficiency in Moderately Long Wooden Post.
< 00:44:31 >
< 00:44:32 >
< 00:44:33 >
< 00:44:34 >
< 00:44:35 >
< 00:44:36 >
< 00:44:37 >
< 00:44:38 >M: This is really embarrassing!  We’re supposed to be a well-trained Death Squad here!  Come on!
< 00:44:39 >
< 00:44:40 >
< 00:44:41 >
< 00:44:42 >T: Our brave hero, ladies and gentlemen!
< 00:44:43 >
< 00:44:44 >
< 00:44:45 >
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< 00:44:51 >
< 00:44:52 >
< 00:44:53 >
< 00:44:54 >
< 00:44:55 >
< 00:44:56 >
< 00:44:57 >T: Cast a spell or something ya LOAD!
< 00:44:58 >
< 00:44:59 >M: When did wizards become entirely helpless?
< 00:44:60 >
< 00:45:00 >
< 00:45:01 >
< 00:45:02 >
< 00:45:03 >
< 00:45:04 >M: It’s the elite squad that pushes people around!
< 00:45:05 >
< 00:45:06 >
< 00:45:07 >
< 00:45:08 >
< 00:45:09 >
< 00:45:10 >
< 00:45:11 >
< 00:45:12 >
< 00:45:13 >
< 00:45:14 >T: Heh, this happens often?
< 00:45:15 >
< 00:45:16 >
< 00:45:17 >
< 00:45:18 > M: That secret door will fool anyone unless they look at it.
< 00:45:19 >
< 00:45:20 > T: TECH SUPPORT!
< 00:45:21 >
< 00:45:22 >
< 00:45:23 >
< 00:45:24 >
< 00:45:25 >
< 00:45:26 >
< 00:45:27 >
< 00:45:28 >
< 00:45:29 >M: I just met a girl named Marina!!
< 00:45:30 >
< 00:45:31 >
< 00:45:32 >
< 00:45:33 >
< 00:45:34 >
< 00:45:35 >
< 00:45:36 >
< 00:45:37 >
< 00:45:38 >
< 00:45:39 >
< 00:45:40 >
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< 00:45:42 >
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< 00:45:44 >
< 00:45:45 >
< 00:45:46 >
< 00:45:47 >
< 00:45:48 >
< 00:45:49 >
< 00:45:50 >M: Of course, I wouldn’t do a lot of things if I were you.
< 00:45:51 >
< 00:45:52 >
< 00:45:53 >
< 00:45:54 >
< 00:45:55 > T: You just been kidnapped by Foxy Cleopatra!
< 00:45:56 >
< 00:45:57 >
< 00:45:58 >
< 00:45:59 >M: Guess they had a lot of lip gloss in Middle Earth.
< 00:45:60 >
< 00:46:00 >
< 00:46:01 >
< 00:46:02 >
< 00:46:03 >
< 00:46:04 >
< 00:46:05 >T: She’s my girlfriend!  My pick-up line worked!
< 00:46:06 >
< 00:46:07 >
< 00:46:08 >
< 00:46:09 >
< 00:46:10 >
< 00:46:11 >
< 00:46:12 >
< 00:46:13 >
< 00:46:14 >
< 00:46:15 >
< 00:46:16 >
< 00:46:17 >M: Whoa!
< 00:46:18 >T: That gives new meaning to the word “breastplate!”
< 00:46:19 >
< 00:46:20 >
< 00:46:21 >
< 00:46:22 >
< 00:46:23 >
< 00:46:24 >
< 00:46:25 >
< 00:46:26 >T: There’s a whole lot of weird racial and social class differences in this movie.  It’s really distracting.
< 00:46:27 >
< 00:46:28 >
< 00:46:29 >
< 00:46:30 >T: Pretenza.  Pretentious.  GET IT?
< 00:46:31 >
< 00:46:32 >
< 00:46:33 >
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< 00:46:44 >
< 00:46:45 >
< 00:46:46 >M: That’s his name?  I thought his name was Blue Lips.
< 00:46:47 >
< 00:46:48 >
< 00:46:49 >
< 00:46:50 >
< 00:46:51 >
< 00:46:52 >
< 00:46:53 >
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< 00:46:55 >
< 00:46:56 >
< 00:46:57 >M: Take Profion, for sexual dysfunctions.
< 00:46:58 >
< 00:46:59 >
< 00:46:60 >
< 00:47:00 >
< 00:47:01 >T: Elves who use crossbows?  FOUL!
< 00:47:02 >
< 00:47:03 >
< 00:47:04 >
< 00:47:05 >
< 00:47:06 >
< 00:47:07 >
< 00:47:08 >
< 00:47:09 >
< 00:47:10 >
< 00:47:11 >
< 00:47:12 >T: Kirk to Enterprise!
< 00:47:13 >
< 00:47:14 >
< 00:47:15 >
< 00:47:16 >
< 00:47:17 >
< 00:47:18 >M: Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the foxiest of them all?
< 00:47:19 >
< 00:47:20 >
< 00:47:21 >
< 00:47:22 >
< 00:47:23 >
< 00:47:24 >
< 00:47:25 >T: HAHAHAH!  I guess Profion’s got rod envy.
< 00:47:26 >
< 00:47:27 >
< 00:47:28 >
< 00:47:29 >
< 00:47:30 >M: Profion really wants to get his hands on that rod!
< 00:47:31 >
< 00:47:32 >
< 00:47:33 >
< 00:47:34 >
< 00:47:35 >
< 00:47:36 >
< 00:47:37 >
< 00:47:38 >
< 00:47:39 >
< 00:47:40 >
< 00:47:41 > M: (ditzy) Uhhhh I dunno! 
< 00:47:42 >
< 00:47:43 >
< 00:47:44 >
< 00:47:45 >
< 00:47:46 >
< 00:47:47 >
< 00:47:48 >
< 00:47:49 >M: Wow they want some rod too!
< 00:47:50 >
< 00:47:51 >
< 00:47:52 >
< 00:47:53 > T: Hey every chick could use a good rod!
< 00:47:54 >
< 00:47:55 >
< 00:47:56 >
< 00:47:57 >
< 00:47:58 >
< 00:47:59 >M: Damn how do you turn this thing off…
< 00:47:60 >
< 00:48:00 >
< 00:48:01 >
< 00:48:02 >
< 00:48:03 >
< 00:48:04 >
< 00:48:05 >
< 00:48:06 >
< 00:48:07 >
< 00:48:08 >
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< 00:48:11 >
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< 00:48:13 >
< 00:48:14 >
< 00:48:15 >
< 00:48:16 >
< 00:48:17 >
< 00:48:18 >
< 00:48:19 > T: Meanwhile, at Profion’s computer generated stronghold many leagues away… 
< 00:48:20 >
< 00:48:21 >
< 00:48:22 >
< 00:48:23 >
< 00:48:24 >
< 00:48:25 >
< 00:48:26 >
< 00:48:27 >
< 00:48:28 >
< 00:48:29 >
< 00:48:30 >M: Check it out, he has to turn sideways to fit through the door.  Those football pads are unwieldy.
< 00:48:31 >
< 00:48:32 >
< 00:48:33 >T: Peekaboo.
< 00:48:34 >
< 00:48:35 >
< 00:48:36 >
< 00:48:37 >
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< 00:48:39 >
< 00:48:40 >
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< 00:48:47 >
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< 00:48:49 >
< 00:48:50 >
< 00:48:51 >
< 00:48:52 >
< 00:48:53 >T: Um, could you speak up?  I can’t hear a word you’re saying.
< 00:48:54 >
< 00:48:55 >
< 00:48:56 >
< 00:48:57 >
< 00:48:58 >
< 00:48:59 >
< 00:48:60 >
< 00:49:00 >M: My makeup is FAR superior to yours…
< 00:49:01 >
< 00:49:02 >
< 00:49:03 >
< 00:49:04 >
< 00:49:05 >
< 00:49:06 >
< 00:49:07 >
< 00:49:08 >
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< 00:49:10 >
< 00:49:11 >
< 00:49:12 >
< 00:49:13 >
< 00:49:14 >
< 00:49:15 >
< 00:49:16 >M: His lips are so pretty in the fake moonlight.
< 00:49:17 >
< 00:49:18 >
< 00:49:19 >
< 00:49:20 >
< 00:49:21 >T: You think a girl like you would ever date a bald weirdo like me?
< 00:49:22 >
< 00:49:23 >
< 00:49:24 >
< 00:49:25 >
< 00:49:26 >
< 00:49:27 >
< 00:49:28 >
< 00:49:29 >
< 00:49:30 >
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< 00:49:36 >
< 00:49:37 >
< 00:49:38 >
< 00:49:39 >
< 00:49:40 >
< 00:49:41 >
< 00:49:42 >
< 00:49:43 >
< 00:49:44 >
< 00:49:45 >
< 00:49:46 >
< 00:49:47 >
< 00:49:48 >
< 00:49:49 >M: I have only now been promoted from Green Lips.
< 00:49:50 >
< 00:49:51 >
< 00:49:52 >
< 00:49:53 >
< 00:49:54 >
< 00:49:55 >
< 00:49:56 >T: Then I lost my hair and…
< 00:49:57 >
< 00:49:58 >
< 00:49:59 >
< 00:49:60 >
< 00:50:00 >
< 00:50:01 >
< 00:50:02 >
< 00:50:03 >
< 00:50:04 >
< 00:50:05 >
< 00:50:06 >T: He’s my husband…
< 00:50:07 >
< 00:50:08 >
< 00:50:09 >M: *fart noise*
< 00:50:10 >
< 00:50:11 >
< 00:50:12 >
< 00:50:13 >
< 00:50:14 >
< 00:50:15 >
< 00:50:16 >
< 00:50:17 >M: ~/o I’m as helpless as a kitten in a tree! ~/o
< 00:50:18 >
< 00:50:19 >
< 00:50:20 >
< 00:50:21 >
< 00:50:22 >
< 00:50:23 >
< 00:50:24 >
< 00:50:25 >
< 00:50:26 >M: Aw man the guy needs his rod that badly?
< 00:50:27 >
< 00:50:28 >
< 00:50:29 >
< 00:50:30 >
< 00:50:31 >
< 00:50:32 >
< 00:50:33 >
< 00:50:34 >
< 00:50:35 >
< 00:50:36 >
< 00:50:37 >
< 00:50:38 >
< 00:50:39 >
< 00:50:40 >
< 00:50:41 >
< 00:50:42 >T: I’m crushing your head!
< 00:50:43 >
< 00:50:44 >
< 00:50:45 >
< 00:50:46 >
< 00:50:47 >
< 00:50:48 >
< 00:50:49 >
< 00:50:50 >
< 00:50:51 >
< 00:50:52 >
< 00:50:53 >
< 00:50:54 >
< 00:50:55 >
< 00:50:56 >T: Well you can suck, that’s for sure.
< 00:50:57 >
< 00:50:58 >
< 00:50:59 >
< 00:50:60 >
< 00:51:00 >
< 00:51:01 >
< 00:51:02 >
< 00:51:03 >M: The Sony Corporation issued a recall on its new Walkman today…
< 00:51:04 >
< 00:51:05 >
< 00:51:06 >
< 00:51:07 >
< 00:51:08 >
< 00:51:09 >
< 00:51:10 >
< 00:51:11 >M: Sucking her mind clean shouldn’t take long.
< 00:51:12 >
< 00:51:13 >
< 00:51:14 >
< 00:51:15 >
< 00:51:16 >T: In Soviet Russia, earphones wear YOU!
< 00:51:17 >
< 00:51:18 >
< 00:51:19 >
< 00:51:20 >
< 00:51:21 >
< 00:51:22 >
< 00:51:23 >
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< 00:51:28 >
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< 00:51:32 >
< 00:51:33 >
< 00:51:34 >M: Aw man it’s turning him on!
< 00:51:35 >
< 00:51:36 >
< 00:51:37 >
< 00:51:38 >
< 00:51:39 >
< 00:51:40 >
< 00:51:41 >
< 00:51:42 >
< 00:51:43 >
< 00:51:44 >T: Well I’m just going to go put some change in the meter real quick and I’ll be right back.
< 00:51:45 >
< 00:51:46 >
< 00:51:47 >
< 00:51:48 >
< 00:51:49 >
< 00:51:50 >
< 00:51:51 >
< 00:51:52 >
< 00:51:53 >M: Duhhhhh…
< 00:51:54 >
< 00:51:55 >
< 00:51:56 >T: Meanwhile, back at the stage-lit forest.
< 00:51:57 >
< 00:51:58 >
< 00:51:59 >
< 00:51:60 >
< 00:52:00 >
< 00:52:01 >
< 00:52:02 >
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< 00:52:12 >
< 00:52:13 >
< 00:52:14 >
< 00:52:15 >
< 00:52:16 >M: This is supposed to be funny, but I’m really crying on the inside.
< 00:52:17 >
< 00:52:18 >
< 00:52:19 >
< 00:52:20 >
< 00:52:21 >
< 00:52:22 >
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< 00:52:27 >
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< 00:52:29 >
< 00:52:30 >
< 00:52:31 >
< 00:52:32 >
< 00:52:33 >
< 00:52:34 >
< 00:52:35 >M: Wabbit Twacks!
< 00:52:36 >
< 00:52:37 >
< 00:52:38 >
< 00:52:39 >
< 00:52:40 >
< 00:52:41 >
< 00:52:42 >
< 00:52:43 >
< 00:52:44 >
< 00:52:45 >
< 00:52:46 >T: To grandmother’s house we go!
< 00:52:47 >
< 00:52:48 >
< 00:52:49 >
< 00:52:50 >
< 00:52:51 >
< 00:52:52 >
< 00:52:53 >
< 00:52:54 >
< 00:52:55 >
< 00:52:56 >
< 00:52:57 >
< 00:52:58 >
< 00:52:59 >
< 00:52:60 >
< 00:53:00 >
< 00:53:01 >
< 00:53:02 >
< 00:53:03 >
< 00:53:04 >
< 00:53:05 >
< 00:53:06 >
< 00:53:07 >
< 00:53:08 >
< 00:53:09 >
< 00:53:10 >
< 00:53:11 >
< 00:53:12 >
< 00:53:13 >*both* Kill him!  Kill him!  Kill him!
< 00:53:14 >
< 00:53:15 >
< 00:53:16 >
< 00:53:17 >
< 00:53:18 >
< 00:53:19 >
< 00:53:20 >
< 00:53:21 >
< 00:53:22 >
< 00:53:23 >
< 00:53:24 >
< 00:53:25 >
< 00:53:26 >
< 00:53:27 >T: She’s fantasizing about all the ways she’d like to kill him in messy, horrible ways right now.
< 00:53:28 >
< 00:53:29 >
< 00:53:30 >
< 00:53:31 >
< 00:53:32 >
< 00:53:33 >
< 00:53:34 >
< 00:53:35 >M: Can we move on already!  Enough comic relief!  Where’s the adventure??
< 00:53:36 >
< 00:53:37 >
< 00:53:38 >
< 00:53:39 >
< 00:53:40 >
< 00:53:41 >
< 00:53:42 >
< 00:53:43 >T: Ah well at least they’ve found a way to pull a hundred feet of rope and grappling hooks out of their ASSES.
< 00:53:44 >
< 00:53:45 >
< 00:53:46 >
< 00:53:47 >
< 00:53:48 >
< 00:53:49 >
< 00:53:50 >
< 00:53:51 >
< 00:53:52 >
< 00:53:53 >
< 00:53:54 >
< 00:53:55 >
< 00:53:56 >
< 00:53:57 >T: And they both die!
< 00:53:58 >
< 00:53:59 >M: A Renaissance Festival!
< 00:53:60 >
< 00:54:00 >
< 00:54:01 >
< 00:54:02 >
< 00:54:03 >
< 00:54:04 >
< 00:54:05 >
< 00:54:06 >
< 00:54:07 >
< 00:54:08 >
< 00:54:09 >
< 00:54:10 >
< 00:54:11 >
< 00:54:12 >
< 00:54:13 >
< 00:54:14 >
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< 00:54:16 >
< 00:54:17 >
< 00:54:18 >
< 00:54:19 >
< 00:54:20 >
< 00:54:21 >
< 00:54:22 >T: And now it spins around and disintegrates them both.
< 00:54:23 >
< 00:54:24 >T: And now every D&D fan EVERYwhere just vomited.
< 00:54:25 >
< 00:54:26 >
< 00:54:27 >
< 00:54:28 >
< 00:54:29 >
< 00:54:30 >
< 00:54:31 >
< 00:54:32 >
< 00:54:33 >
< 00:54:34 >
< 00:54:35 >
< 00:54:36 >T: So the Eye Tyrants of the Underdark are here translated into stupid, easily-distracted and ineffective watchdogs.
< 00:54:37 >
< 00:54:38 >
< 00:54:39 >
< 00:54:40 >
< 00:54:41 >
< 00:54:42 >
< 00:54:43 >
< 00:54:44 >M: Ah Mr. Burton!  Soon I will marry Gracie Law!
< 00:54:45 >
< 00:54:46 >
< 00:54:47 >
< 00:54:48 >
< 00:54:49 >
< 00:54:50 >
< 00:54:51 >
< 00:54:52 >
< 00:54:53 >
< 00:54:54 >M: They’ll never see us with this torch lighting the hall in all directions!
< 00:54:55 >
< 00:54:56 >
< 00:54:57 >
< 00:54:58 >
< 00:54:59 >
< 00:54:60 >
< 00:55:00 >T: You go and screw up, and I’ll save you!
< 00:55:01 >
< 00:55:02 >
< 00:55:03 >
< 00:55:04 >
< 00:55:05 >
< 00:55:06 >
< 00:55:07 >
< 00:55:08 >
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< 00:55:10 >
< 00:55:11 >
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< 00:55:13 >
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< 00:55:16 >
< 00:55:17 >
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< 00:55:20 >
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< 00:55:23 >
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< 00:55:25 >
< 00:55:26 >
< 00:55:27 >
< 00:55:28 >
< 00:55:29 >T: Ohhhh I hate this movie…
< 00:55:30 >
< 00:55:31 >
< 00:55:32 >
< 00:55:33 >
< 00:55:34 >
< 00:55:35 >
< 00:55:36 >
< 00:55:37 >
< 00:55:38 >M: I’m really disappointed with the dungeons here.  It oughta be called Dragons & Wine Cellars.
< 00:55:39 >
< 00:55:40 >
< 00:55:41 >
< 00:55:42 >
< 00:55:43 >
< 00:55:44 >
< 00:55:45 > 
< 00:55:46 >
< 00:55:47 >
< 00:55:48 >
< 00:55:49 > T: Says Who?  You’re not meant to—what does that MEAN?  Did the writer just forget completely about you?  COME ON!
< 00:55:50 >
< 00:55:51 >
< 00:55:52 >
< 00:55:53 >
< 00:55:54 > M: Great ranger.  That hot pink really blends with the forest.
< 00:55:55 >
< 00:55:56 >
< 00:55:57 >
< 00:55:58 >
< 00:55:59 > M: There’s his armor which means BLUE LIPS IS NUDE!!
< 00:55:60 >
< 00:56:00 >
< 00:56:01 >
< 00:56:02 >
< 00:56:03 >
< 00:56:04 >
< 00:56:05 >
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< 00:56:10 >
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< 00:56:13 >
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< 00:56:15 >
< 00:56:16 >
< 00:56:17 >
< 00:56:18 >
< 00:56:19 >
< 00:56:20 >
< 00:56:21 >
< 00:56:22 >
< 00:56:23 >
< 00:56:24 >
< 00:56:25 >
< 00:56:26 >
< 00:56:27 >
< 00:56:28 >
< 00:56:29 >
< 00:56:30 >M: Oh would you stop being stealthy?
< 00:56:31 >
< 00:56:32 >
< 00:56:33 >
< 00:56:34 >
< 00:56:35 >
< 00:56:36 >
< 00:56:37 >
< 00:56:38 >
< 00:56:39 >M: It’s blow!
< 00:56:40 >
< 00:56:41 >
< 00:56:42 >
< 00:56:43 >
< 00:56:44 >
< 00:56:45 >
< 00:56:46 >
< 00:56:47 >
< 00:56:48 >T: Would you focus, Snails?  Come on, man!
< 00:56:49 >
< 00:56:50 >
< 00:56:51 >
< 00:56:52 >
< 00:56:53 >
< 00:56:54 >
< 00:56:55 >
< 00:56:56 >
< 00:56:57 >
< 00:56:58 >
< 00:56:59 >
< 00:56:60 >
< 00:57:00 >
< 00:57:01 >
< 00:57:02 >
< 00:57:03 >
< 00:57:04 >
< 00:57:05 >T: So he’s the thief that fondles everything in the room, speaks loudly to himself, plays with dangerous magic stuff, and blunders into even the most ridiculous traps.
< 00:57:06 >
< 00:57:07 >
< 00:57:08 >
< 00:57:09 >
< 00:57:10 >
< 00:57:11 >
< 00:57:12 >
< 00:57:13 >
< 00:57:14 >
< 00:57:15 >M: Oh I envy him right now.
< 00:57:16 >
< 00:57:17 >
< 00:57:18 >
< 00:57:19 >
< 00:57:20 >M: Oatmeal!
< 00:57:21 >
< 00:57:22 >
< 00:57:23 >
< 00:57:24 >
< 00:57:25 >
< 00:57:26 >
< 00:57:27 >
< 00:57:28 >
< 00:57:29 >
< 00:57:30 >
< 00:57:31 >
< 00:57:32 >
< 00:57:33 >
< 00:57:34 >T: (Yakov Smirnov) In Soviet Russia, de carpets vacuum YOU!
< 00:57:35 >
< 00:57:36 >
< 00:57:37 >
< 00:57:38 >M: Ah, good, one more sissy Marlon scream for good measure.
< 00:57:39 >
< 00:57:40 >
< 00:57:41 >
< 00:57:42 >
< 00:57:43 >
< 00:57:44 >
< 00:57:45 >
< 00:57:46 >
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< 00:57:55 >
< 00:57:56 >
< 00:57:57 >
< 00:57:58 >
< 00:57:59 >
< 00:57:60 >
< 00:58:00 >
< 00:58:01 >
< 00:58:02 >
< 00:58:03 >
< 00:58:04 >T: He IS a thief, see?  See?  Huh?  Well a four-year old could probably jimmy that lock open, I guess.
< 00:58:05 >
< 00:58:06 >
< 00:58:07 >
< 00:58:08 >
< 00:58:09 >
< 00:58:10 >
< 00:58:11 >
< 00:58:12 >
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< 00:58:15 >
< 00:58:16 >
< 00:58:17 >
< 00:58:18 >
< 00:58:19 >
< 00:58:20 >M (Neo) I’m looking for the Keymaker.
< 00:58:21 >
< 00:58:22 >
< 00:58:23 >
< 00:58:24 >T: It’s the editor.
< 00:58:25 >
< 00:58:26 >
< 00:58:27 >
< 00:58:28 >
< 00:58:29 >
< 00:58:30 >
< 00:58:31 >
< 00:58:32 >
< 00:58:33 >T: It’s me!  Your smug and ineffective romantic interest!
< 00:58:34 >
< 00:58:35 >
< 00:58:36 >
< 00:58:37 >
< 00:58:38 >
< 00:58:39 >
< 00:58:40 >M: She had her brains sucked out, so maybe she’ll be into you now.
< 00:58:41 >
< 00:58:42 >
< 00:58:43 >
< 00:58:44 >T: Yeah that whole Feeblemind thing was clever foreshadowing.
< 00:58:45 >
< 00:58:46 >
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< 00:58:48 >
< 00:58:49 >
< 00:58:50 >
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< 00:58:58 >
< 00:58:59 >
< 00:58:60 >
< 00:59:00 >M: Awright!  I been waiting for this the whole movie!
< 00:59:01 >
< 00:59:02 >
< 00:59:03 >
< 00:59:04 >
< 00:59:05 >
< 00:59:06 >
< 00:59:07 >
< 00:59:08 >
< 00:59:09 >
< 00:59:10 >T: Well…yeah.  
< 00:59:11 >
< 00:59:12 >
< 00:59:13 >
< 00:59:14 >
< 00:59:15 >
< 00:59:16 >
< 00:59:17 >
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< 00:59:19 >
< 00:59:20 >
< 00:59:21 >
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< 00:59:23 >
< 00:59:24 >
< 00:59:25 >
< 00:59:26 >
< 00:59:27 >
< 00:59:28 >
< 00:59:29 >M: Game OVER?  This is medieval times!  People didn’t talk like this!
< 00:59:30 >
< 00:59:31 >
< 00:59:32 >
< 00:59:33 >
< 00:59:34 >
< 00:59:35 >
< 00:59:36 >
< 00:59:37 >
< 00:59:38 >
< 00:59:39 >
< 00:59:40 >
< 00:59:41 >
< 00:59:42 >T: Is it wrong for me to enjoy this?
< 00:59:43 >
< 00:59:44 >
< 00:59:45 >M: I’m the po-lice!  King Kong ain’t got nothin’ on me!
< 00:59:46 >
< 00:59:47 >
< 00:59:48 >
< 00:59:49 >
< 00:59:50 >
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< 00:59:53 >
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< 00:59:58 >
< 00:59:59 >
< 00:59:60 >
< 01:00:00 >
< 01:00:01 >
< 01:00:02 >
< 01:00:03 >
< 01:00:04 >
< 01:00:05 > T: How is he able to fight so well?  These guys are trained killers!
< 01:00:06 >
< 01:00:07 >
< 01:00:08 >
< 01:00:09 >
< 01:00:10 >M: Try a spell next time, stupid!
< 01:00:11 >
< 01:00:12 >
< 01:00:13 >
< 01:00:14 >
< 01:00:15 >
< 01:00:16 >T: Here’s Johnny!
< 01:00:17 >
< 01:00:18 >
< 01:00:19 >
< 01:00:20 >
< 01:00:21 >
< 01:00:22 >
< 01:00:23 >
< 01:00:24 >
< 01:00:25 >
< 01:00:26 >
< 01:00:27 >
< 01:00:28 >
< 01:00:29 >
< 01:00:30 >M: You could just STAB HIM!
< 01:00:31 >
< 01:00:32 >
< 01:00:33 >
< 01:00:34 >
< 01:00:35 >
< 01:00:36 >
< 01:00:37 >
< 01:00:38 >
< 01:00:39 >
< 01:00:40 >
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< 01:00:46 >
< 01:00:47 >
< 01:00:48 >
< 01:00:49 >
< 01:00:50 >
< 01:00:51 >
< 01:00:52 >M: Maybe Damon is in a better movie!
< 01:00:53 >
< 01:00:54 >
< 01:00:55 >
< 01:00:56 >
< 01:00:57 >
< 01:00:58 >T: Yeah…running away from a large man with pants full of oatmeal.  That takes me back.
< 01:00:59 >
< 01:00:60 >
< 01:01:00 >
< 01:01:01 >
< 01:01:02 >
< 01:01:03 >
< 01:01:04 >
< 01:01:05 >
< 01:01:06 >
< 01:01:07 >
< 01:01:08 >
< 01:01:09 >
< 01:01:10 >
< 01:01:11 >M: Hurry!  Before more redshirts arrive!
< 01:01:12 >
< 01:01:13 >
< 01:01:14 >
< 01:01:15 >
< 01:01:16 >
< 01:01:17 >
< 01:01:18 >
< 01:01:19 >
< 01:01:20 >
< 01:01:21 >
< 01:01:22 >
< 01:01:23 >
< 01:01:24 >
< 01:01:25 >
< 01:01:26 >
< 01:01:27 >
< 01:01:28 >
< 01:01:29 >
< 01:01:30 >T: Why isn’t he running?  He’s chasing Snails like Jason Voorhees.
< 01:01:31 >
< 01:01:32 >
< 01:01:33 >
< 01:01:34 >
< 01:01:35 >
< 01:01:36 >
< 01:01:37 >
< 01:01:38 >
< 01:01:39 >
< 01:01:40 >
< 01:01:41 >
< 01:01:42 >
< 01:01:43 >M: Mr. Anderson…
< 01:01:44 >
< 01:01:45 >
< 01:01:46 >
< 01:01:47 >
< 01:01:48 >T: Wasn’t his throat slashed??  What the hell?
< 01:01:49 >
< 01:01:50 >
< 01:01:51 >
< 01:01:52 >
< 01:01:53 >
< 01:01:54 >
< 01:01:55 >
< 01:01:56 >
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< 01:01:59 >
< 01:01:60 >
< 01:02:00 >
< 01:02:01 >
< 01:02:02 >
< 01:02:03 >
< 01:02:04 >
< 01:02:05 >M: She’s my sister!  My daughter!  My sister!
< 01:02:06 >
< 01:02:07 >
< 01:02:08 >
< 01:02:09 >
< 01:02:10 >
< 01:02:11 >
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< 01:02:13 >
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< 01:02:20 >
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< 01:02:25 >
< 01:02:26 >
< 01:02:27 >
< 01:02:28 >
< 01:02:29 >
< 01:02:30 >
< 01:02:31 >
< 01:02:32 >
< 01:02:33 >
< 01:02:34 >
< 01:02:35 > T: That’s his high-pitched sissy scream!  Snails is in danger
< 01:02:36 >
< 01:02:37 >
< 01:02:38 >M: I feel so pretty!
< 01:02:39 >
< 01:02:40 >
< 01:02:41 >
< 01:02:42 >
< 01:02:43 >
< 01:02:44 >
< 01:02:45 >
< 01:02:46 >
< 01:02:47 >
< 01:02:48 >T: Ooh that terrible sound of soft rubber against bone.
< 01:02:49 >
< 01:02:50 >
< 01:02:51 >
< 01:02:52 >
< 01:02:53 >
< 01:02:54 >
< 01:02:55 >
< 01:02:56 >
< 01:02:57 >
< 01:02:58 >
< 01:02:59 >M: You gotta believe Snails is used to this.  2, 3 times a week?
< 01:02:60 >
< 01:03:00 >
< 01:03:01 >
< 01:03:02 >
< 01:03:03 >
< 01:03:04 >
< 01:03:05 >
< 01:03:06 >T: Oh man what are they doing??
< 01:03:07 >
< 01:03:08 >M: Get your face away from his package!
< 01:03:09 >
< 01:03:10 >
< 01:03:11 >
< 01:03:12 >
< 01:03:13 >
< 01:03:14 >
< 01:03:15 >
< 01:03:16 >
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< 01:03:21 >
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< 01:03:23 >
< 01:03:24 >
< 01:03:25 >
< 01:03:26 >
< 01:03:27 >M: Hold Person?  Magic Missile?  Anything Marina?
< 01:03:28 >
< 01:03:29 >
< 01:03:30 >
< 01:03:31 >
< 01:03:32 >
< 01:03:33 >
< 01:03:34 >
< 01:03:35 >
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< 01:03:44 >
< 01:03:45 >
< 01:03:46 >
< 01:03:47 >
< 01:03:48 >
< 01:03:49 >
< 01:03:50 >M: Wanna smoke this before I die?
< 01:03:51 >
< 01:03:52 >
< 01:03:53 >
< 01:03:54 >
< 01:03:55 >
< 01:03:56 >
< 01:03:57 >
< 01:03:58 >
< 01:03:59 >
< 01:03:60 >
< 01:04:00 >T: This gives me hope for Jar Jar Binks.
< 01:04:01 >
< 01:04:02 >
< 01:04:03 >
< 01:04:04 >
< 01:04:05 >
< 01:04:06 >
< 01:04:07 >
< 01:04:08 >
< 01:04:09 >
< 01:04:10 >T: Oh come on.  No way.
< 01:04:11 >
< 01:04:12 >M: He’s got Plastic Mail +5, stupid.
< 01:04:13 >
< 01:04:14 >
< 01:04:15 >
< 01:04:16 >
< 01:04:17 >
< 01:04:18 >
< 01:04:19 >
< 01:04:20 >
< 01:04:21 >
< 01:04:22 >M: Where are Damodar’s guards?  The beholders?  Am I crazy??
< 01:04:23 >
< 01:04:24 >
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< 01:04:42 >
< 01:04:43 >T: And the writer remembers that there’s a wizard here!
< 01:04:44 >
< 01:04:45 >
< 01:04:46 >
< 01:04:47 >
< 01:04:48 >
< 01:04:49 >
< 01:04:50 >M: FINALLY!  Why didn’t she do that before??
< 01:04:51 >
< 01:04:52 >
< 01:04:53 >
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< 01:04:55 >
< 01:04:56 >
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< 01:04:60 >
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< 01:05:03 >
< 01:05:04 >
< 01:05:05 >T: Thanks for helping out earlier.  UGGGGH!
< 01:05:06 >
< 01:05:07 >
< 01:05:08 >
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< 01:05:10 >
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< 01:05:20 >
< 01:05:21 >
< 01:05:22 >
< 01:05:23 >M: This is really sad.  Oh wait, did I say sad?  I meant a time for celebration!
< 01:05:24 >
< 01:05:25 >
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< 01:05:27 >
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< 01:05:38 >
< 01:05:39 >
< 01:05:40 >T: Oh good, I wasn’t getting enough politics in this movie.
< 01:05:41 >
< 01:05:42 >
< 01:05:43 >
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< 01:05:45 >
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< 01:05:49 >
< 01:05:50 >
< 01:05:51 >M: Line!
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< 01:06:14 >
< 01:06:15 >
< 01:06:16 >
< 01:06:17 >
< 01:06:18 >
< 01:06:19 >
< 01:06:20 >
< 01:06:21 >
< 01:06:22 >M: It’s bogus!
< 01:06:23 >T: She has the acting delivery of a wooden Ben Stein.
< 01:06:24 >
< 01:06:25 >
< 01:06:26 >
< 01:06:27 >
< 01:06:28 >
< 01:06:29 >
< 01:06:30 >
< 01:06:31 >
< 01:06:32 >
< 01:06:33 >T: He hasn’t changes his clothes in days.
< 01:06:34 >
< 01:06:35 >
< 01:06:36 >
< 01:06:37 >
< 01:06:38 >
< 01:06:39 >
< 01:06:40 >
< 01:06:41 >
< 01:06:42 >
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< 01:06:44 >
< 01:06:45 >
< 01:06:46 >
< 01:06:47 >
< 01:06:48 >
< 01:06:49 >
< 01:06:50 >T: I’m dressed in white!  I can’t be evil!
< 01:06:51 >
< 01:06:52 >
< 01:06:53 >
< 01:06:54 >
< 01:06:55 >
< 01:06:56 >
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< 01:07:02 >
< 01:07:03 >
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< 01:07:05 >
< 01:07:06 >
< 01:07:07 >
< 01:07:08 >
< 01:07:09 >
< 01:07:10 >
< 01:07:11 >M: Unfortunately.
< 01:07:12 >
< 01:07:13 >
< 01:07:14 >M: Ape law!
< 01:07:15 >
< 01:07:16 >
< 01:07:17 >
< 01:07:18 >
< 01:07:19 >
< 01:07:20 >
< 01:07:21 >
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< 01:07:23 >
< 01:07:24 >
< 01:07:25 >
< 01:07:26 >
< 01:07:27 >
< 01:07:28 >
< 01:07:29 >T: Sing it sister!
< 01:07:30 >
< 01:07:31 >
< 01:07:32 >
< 01:07:33 >
< 01:07:34 >
< 01:07:35 >
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< 01:07:49 >
< 01:07:50 >
< 01:07:51 >
< 01:07:52 >
< 01:07:53 >M: Give us Barabas!  Barabas!
< 01:07:54 >
< 01:07:55 >
< 01:07:56 >
< 01:07:57 >
< 01:07:58 >
< 01:07:59 >
< 01:07:60 >
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< 01:08:03 >
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< 01:08:11 >
< 01:08:12 >
< 01:08:13 >
< 01:08:14 >
< 01:08:15 >
< 01:08:16 >M: I ask YOU, Morton Kondracke!
< 01:08:17 >
< 01:08:18 >
< 01:08:19 >
< 01:08:20 >
< 01:08:21 >
< 01:08:22 >
< 01:08:23 >
< 01:08:24 >
< 01:08:25 >
< 01:08:26 >
< 01:08:27 >
< 01:08:28 >
< 01:08:29 >T: Oh COME ON!
< 01:08:30 >
< 01:08:31 >
< 01:08:32 >
< 01:08:33 >
< 01:08:34 >
< 01:08:35 >
< 01:08:36 >
< 01:08:37 >
< 01:08:38 >
< 01:08:39 >
< 01:08:40 >T: She’s a really charismatic monarch.  Only.  Not.
< 01:08:41 >
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< 01:08:60 >
< 01:09:00 >
< 01:09:01 >
< 01:09:02 >
< 01:09:03 >
< 01:09:04 >
< 01:09:05 >
< 01:09:06 >
< 01:09:07 >M: But no-one out-acts me…
< 01:09:08 >
< 01:09:09 >
< 01:09:10 >
< 01:09:11 >
< 01:09:12 >
< 01:09:13 >
< 01:09:14 >
< 01:09:15 >
< 01:09:16 >
< 01:09:17 >
< 01:09:18 >T: No!  We instantly believe everything you say!
< 01:09:19 >
< 01:09:20 >
< 01:09:21 >
< 01:09:22 >
< 01:09:23 >
< 01:09:24 >T: We have no independent wills!
< 01:09:25 >
< 01:09:26 >
< 01:09:27 >
< 01:09:28 >
< 01:09:29 >
< 01:09:30 >
< 01:09:31 >
< 01:09:32 >
< 01:09:33 >
< 01:09:34 >
< 01:09:35 >
< 01:09:36 >
< 01:09:37 >
< 01:09:38 >M: The dwarf and the elf are the same height.
< 01:09:39 >
< 01:09:40 >
< 01:09:41 >
< 01:09:42 >
< 01:09:43 >
< 01:09:44 >
< 01:09:45 >
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< 01:09:47 >
< 01:09:48 >
< 01:09:49 >T: Must be Christmas in Lothlorien.
< 01:09:50 >
< 01:09:51 >
< 01:09:52 >M: A matte painting!
< 01:09:53 >
< 01:09:54 >
< 01:09:55 >
< 01:09:56 >
< 01:09:57 >
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< 01:09:59 >
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< 01:10:03 >
< 01:10:04 >
< 01:10:05 >
< 01:10:06 >
< 01:10:07 >T: Hey it’s Dr. Who!  I didn’t know Time Lords could do this.
< 01:10:08 >
< 01:10:09 >
< 01:10:10 >
< 01:10:11 >
< 01:10:12 >
< 01:10:13 >
< 01:10:14 >
< 01:10:15 >
< 01:10:16 >
< 01:10:17 >T: Dost thou have an insurance plan?
< 01:10:18 >
< 01:10:19 >
< 01:10:20 >
< 01:10:21 >
< 01:10:22 >
< 01:10:23 >M: Elves are immortal.  Except for this old fart.
< 01:10:24 >
< 01:10:25 >
< 01:10:26 >
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< 01:10:28 >
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< 01:10:36 >
< 01:10:37 >
< 01:10:38 >M: She’s gonna put an eye out with those breasts.
< 01:10:39 >
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< 01:10:41 >
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< 01:10:52 >
< 01:10:53 >
< 01:10:54 >T: Afraid we couldn’t save your legs, though!
< 01:10:55 >
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< 01:10:60 >
< 01:11:00 >
< 01:11:01 >
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< 01:11:03 >
< 01:11:04 >
< 01:11:05 >M: Message coming in.
< 01:11:06 >
< 01:11:07 >
< 01:11:08 >
< 01:11:09 >
< 01:11:10 >
< 01:11:11 >
< 01:11:12 >
< 01:11:13 >T: No…it was you in a phone booth…
< 01:11:14 >
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< 01:11:16 >
< 01:11:17 >
< 01:11:18 >
< 01:11:19 >
< 01:11:20 >
< 01:11:21 >
< 01:11:22 >
< 01:11:23 >
< 01:11:24 >
< 01:11:25 >M: It surrounds us…and binds us!  Midichlorians and all that!
< 01:11:26 >
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< 01:11:28 >
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< 01:11:39 >
< 01:11:40 >
< 01:11:41 >T: I guess.  I’m just makin’ this up.
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< 01:11:43 >
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< 01:11:54 >
< 01:11:55 >
< 01:11:56 >M: You buyin’ this?
< 01:11:57 >
< 01:11:58 >
< 01:11:59 >
< 01:11:60 >
< 01:12:00 >T: Andy Rooney as Lord Elrond.
< 01:12:01 >
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< 01:12:11 >
< 01:12:12 >
< 01:12:13 > M: We’d like to keep you overnight for observation.
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< 01:12:18 >
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< 01:12:23 >
< 01:12:24 >
< 01:12:25 >
< 01:12:26 >M: Gonna pee over the side here…
< 01:12:27 >M: *zzzzip!*
< 01:12:28 >T: Mooooonliiiiiight, not a sound from the…
< 01:12:29 >
< 01:12:30 >
< 01:12:31 >
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< 01:12:43 >
< 01:12:44 >
< 01:12:45 >
< 01:12:46 >
< 01:12:47 >T: You have every reason to lie about something like that!
< 01:12:48 >
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< 01:13:14 >
< 01:13:15 >
< 01:13:16 >
< 01:13:17 >M: The oscar clip, right here.
< 01:13:18 >
< 01:13:19 >
< 01:13:20 >
< 01:13:21 >
< 01:13:22 >
< 01:13:23 >
< 01:13:24 >T: MAGE!  You don’t KNOW me!
< 01:13:25 >
< 01:13:26 >
< 01:13:27 >
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< 01:13:29 >
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< 01:13:50 >
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< 01:13:52 >
< 01:13:53 >
< 01:13:54 >
< 01:13:55 > M: You are like, such a jerk!
< 01:13:56 >
< 01:13:57 >
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< 01:13:59 >
< 01:13:60 >
< 01:14:00 >
< 01:14:01 >
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< 01:14:18 >
< 01:14:19 >
< 01:14:20 >T: Aahhhh plot crap.
< 01:14:21 >
< 01:14:22 >M: I still say she’s a communist.
< 01:14:23 >
< 01:14:24 >
< 01:14:25 >
< 01:14:26 >
< 01:14:27 >
< 01:14:28 >T: Sure is lonely in this Ewok village…
< 01:14:29 >
< 01:14:30 >
< 01:14:31 >
< 01:14:32 >
< 01:14:33 >
< 01:14:34 >
< 01:14:35 >
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< 01:14:47 >
< 01:14:48 >
< 01:14:49 >T: (Ridley) Why can’t this scene end?
< 01:14:50 >
< 01:14:51 >
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< 01:14:54 >
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< 01:15:00 >
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< 01:15:16 >
< 01:15:17 >
< 01:15:18 >
< 01:15:19 >M: (Jerry Maguire) Help me!  Help you!
< 01:15:20 >
< 01:15:21 >
< 01:15:22 >
< 01:15:23 >
< 01:15:24 >
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< 01:15:26 >
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< 01:15:34 >
< 01:15:35 >
< 01:15:36 >T: This scene has gone on for like TWENTY MINUTES!  End!!!
< 01:15:37 >
< 01:15:38 >
< 01:15:39 >
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< 01:16:03 >
< 01:16:04 >
< 01:16:05 >
< 01:16:06 >
< 01:16:07 >
< 01:16:08 >T: (Bilbo) My old sword!  Sting!
< 01:16:09 >
< 01:16:10 >
< 01:16:11 >
< 01:16:12 >
< 01:16:13 >
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< 01:16:21 >
< 01:16:22 >
< 01:16:23 >
< 01:16:24 >
< 01:16:25 >M: That’ll be $300.  check or credit card?
< 01:16:26 >
< 01:16:27 >
< 01:16:28 >
< 01:16:29 >
< 01:16:30 >T: You gave him the cursed sword, right?  Good.
< 01:16:31 >
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< 01:16:33 >
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< 01:16:35 >
< 01:16:36 >
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< 01:16:52 >
< 01:16:53 >
< 01:16:54 >
< 01:16:55 >
< 01:16:56 >M: Whoa!  Dwarf had a growth spurt again.
< 01:16:57 >
< 01:16:58 >
< 01:16:59 >
< 01:16:60 >
< 01:17:00 >
< 01:17:01 >
< 01:17:02 >
< 01:17:03 >
< 01:17:04 >
< 01:17:05 >T: He’s not so much a dwarf as just a relatively shorter man.
< 01:17:06 >
< 01:17:07 >
< 01:17:08 >
< 01:17:09 >
< 01:17:10 >
< 01:17:11 >M: After questing 40 yards, they reach the Cave of Destiny.
< 01:17:12 >
< 01:17:13 >
< 01:17:14 >
< 01:17:15 >
< 01:17:16 >
< 01:17:17 >
< 01:17:18 >M: We’ve been Power Word: Mimed!
< 01:17:19 >
< 01:17:20 >
< 01:17:21 >
< 01:17:22 >
< 01:17:23 >
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< 01:17:37 >
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< 01:17:39 >
< 01:17:40 >
< 01:17:41 >T: Your fly’s undone.
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< 01:18:10 >M: It’s the Medieval Itty Bitty Book Light
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< 01:18:26 > T: Hopefully Shelob will come down and kill him any minute.
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< 01:18:38 >M: He’s entered the cave of minty fresh death.
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< 01:18:42 >T: He’s going into The Matrix.
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< 01:19:01 >T: Scooby-dooby-doo…where are you?
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< 01:19:04 >M: Yep, just like this movie, goin’ right down the tubes.
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< 01:19:16 >M: CROM!
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< 01:19:20 >M: I have found a Megadeth album cover.
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< 01:19:32 >T: So what’s lighting the cave a blinding green?  Come on man!  What the heck is going on?
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< 01:19:39 >M: So Ridley is The Chosen One because he can put 1 + 1 together.
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< 01:20:00 >M: Whoa.
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< 01:20:02 >T: Oh I guess it really isn’t that blindingly bright in here.
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< 01:20:12 >M: The way they’re ripping off the Indiana Jones movies odds are good we’re gonna see some ancient Joseph of Armathea.
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< 01:20:37 >M: Wouldn’t want to take the gold.  That would make me a successful thief or something.
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< 01:21:00 >T: Oh god…this really is a bad way to advertise D&D 3rd Edition.
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< 01:21:12 >T: I thought we got PAST this with Marina- AAH!
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< 01:21:18 >M: Ya twisted old freak
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< 01:21:28 >M: (Like in Army of Darkness) You’ll never keep the Necronomicon!
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< 01:21:36 >T: But I guess you’ll do!
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< 01:21:38 >M: I died I a tragic lamp-hanging accident.
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< 01:22:06 >M: So…you don’t know.
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< 01:22:08 >T: …No.
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< 01:22:14 >M: Don’t play with your rod too much, you’ll grow hair on your palms.
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< 01:22:19 >M: If love turns out to be the secret, I’m killing you and torching the theater.
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< 01:22:21 >T: Understood.
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< 01:22:28 >T: Strom Thurmund in a role that will inspire you.
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< 01:22:34 >M: Aw he’s stroking his rod!  No!
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< 01:23:04 >*sing* A lame mural…
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< 01:23:26 >M: What?  I thought the Empress was a pacifist or something.
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< 01:23:28 >T: Yeah, a preemptive strike is way outta character.
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< 01:23:33 >T: Brilliant tactic!  Destroy them before they reach us!
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< 01:23:40 >M: The princess surprises the mages with her Shock & Awe Campaign.
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< 01:23:53 >T: That’s it?  I have the feeling Harry Potter and the Hogwarts school could singlehandedly whip these mages.
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< 01:24:07 >M: At least this is more exciting then Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett strafing each other.
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< 01:24:13 >T: Kill them, my army of redshirts!
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< 01:24:20 >M: Whoa!  That was a natural 20.
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< 01:24:39 >M: Acting, ladies and gentlemen.
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< 01:24:47 >M: Empress Indecisivus.
< 01:24:48 >T: First you want us to kill them and now you don’t want us to kill them.
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< 01:24:57 >M: Well that was easy.  You need a chosen one to do this?
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< 01:25:08 >T: Oh my god the dwarf’s nude!
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< 01:25:20 >T: You cannot win.  My redshirts far outnumber you.
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< 01:25:24 >M: He’s trying to look determined, but he just ends up looking constipated.
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< 01:25:45 >M: I will SO smack you with this plastic toy.
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< 01:26:09 >M: Oh don’t tell me you’re going to fall for this.
< 01:26:10 >
< 01:26:11 >T: Especially after he says it like “You have my woooooorrrd.”
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< 01:26:35 >M: The Lobster Claw of the IMMORRRRRTAALLLLS
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< 01:26:37 >
< 01:26:38 >
< 01:26:39 >T: I LIED!
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< 01:26:56 > T: And he leaves to let his minions do it??  How stupid is this guy?
< 01:26:57 >
< 01:26:58 >M: Not the leather mug!
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< 01:27:19 >T: I’m sure my men have it completely under control.  No need to help.
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< 01:27:28 >M: Where did he learn to fight like this?  He’s a street urchin, not a ninja.
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< 01:27:35 >M: I have the power!!!!
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< 01:27:39 >T: Now wait—he can cast spells??  When could he do this??
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< 01:27:48 >M: Don’t worry!  I got it all under control!
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< 01:27:51 >T: Eliminster, on the east wall!  Gandalf, hold the west!
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< 01:28:04 >M: I have your Letter Opener +4.
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< 01:28:16 >M: Say Thank you!
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< 01:28:22 >T: I LIED!
< 01:28:23 >
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< 01:28:35 >T: OH ALL RIGHT you big bald baby.
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< 01:28:48 >M: (commercial) Are you embarrassed by dry scalp?
< 01:28:49 >
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< 01:28:51 >
< 01:28:52 >
< 01:28:53 >
< 01:28:54 >
< 01:28:55 >(sing the Flash Gordon theme!)
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< 01:29:08 >M:  The roof!  The roof!  The roof is on fire!
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< 01:29:12 >
< 01:29:13 >
< 01:29:14 >T: Where did she get the gigantic Dragon Saddle?
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< 01:29:36 >T: You know it only seems to me that there are only maybe TWENTY mages around here, and yet their palace is a 400 story monster that suggests thousands.  Where ARE they?
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< 01:29:50 >M: no no, my PRECIOUS!
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< 01:30:05 >
< 01:30:06 >M: Hey you can see the blue screen reflected on the sword.
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< 01:30:08 >
< 01:30:09 >T: I pulled this sword out of my ass.
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< 01:30:18 >T: Have we ripped off Star Wars or Highlander here?
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< 01:30:26 >T: DIIIIIIIVE!
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< 01:30:38 >M: Drop below the hard deck, Maverick!
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< 01:31:05 >T: I just really don’t see how he’s able to outduel a trained warrior a full foot taller than him.
< 01:31:06 >
< 01:31:07 >
< 01:31:08 >M: I sense that sarcasm!
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< 01:31:27 >T: There can be only one!
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< 01:31:43 >
< 01:31:44 >
< 01:31:45 >M: It hurts!
< 01:31:46 >
< 01:31:47 >T: Now wait, we’ve seen that his armor can repel direct sword thrusts, and apparently his throat can repel a savage slice across the throat.
< 01:31:48 >
< 01:31:49 >
< 01:31:50 >
< 01:31:51 >
< 01:31:52 >
< 01:31:53 >M: And the villain dies by getting thrown off the absurdly high tower.  Never saw that one coming.
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< 01:32:05 > T: You know, I didn’t think it would be possible to make fantasy movies more annoying than the animated Lord of the Rings, but this one did it.
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< 01:32:25 >
< 01:32:26 >
< 01:32:27 >M: Why didn’t he just stab him in the back just now?
< 01:32:28 >
< 01:32:29 >
< 01:32:30 >T: That REALLY hurt!
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< 01:33:00 >
< 01:33:01 >T: Ending this movie.
< 01:33:02 >
< 01:33:03 >
< 01:33:04 >
< 01:33:05 >
< 01:33:06 >
< 01:33:07 >
< 01:33:08 >
< 01:33:09 >
< 01:33:10 >M: You can fight, Ridley!  But you’ll NEVER!  FIGHT!  FOREVAH!!!
< 01:33:11 >
< 01:33:12 >
< 01:33:13 >
< 01:33:14 >T: The sooner I kill you, the sooner *I* can posess the blue lipstick
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< 01:33:26 >
< 01:33:27 >
< 01:33:28 >T: How did YOU get back there??
< 01:33:29 >
< 01:33:30 >
< 01:33:31 >
< 01:33:32 >
< 01:33:33 >M: So you bribed the editor, did you?
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< 01:33:38 >
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< 01:33:40 >
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< 01:33:42 >
< 01:33:43 >
< 01:33:44 >T: Hold Person, bitch!
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< 01:34:29 >
< 01:34:30 >M: Yeah, this reminds me of Lord of the Rings in the same way those Ewok movies remind me of Star Wars.
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< 01:34:33 >
< 01:34:34 >
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< 01:34:38 >
< 01:34:39 >
< 01:34:40 >T: You guys wanna help out by like, jumping on the wizard while he’s distracted or something?
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< 01:35:00 >
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< 01:35:02 >
< 01:35:03 >
< 01:35:04 >M: So apparently you’ll stoop to killing Damodar by stabbing him in the back but you draw the line here, huh?
< 01:35:05 >
< 01:35:06 >
< 01:35:07 >
< 01:35:08 >
< 01:35:09 >
< 01:35:10 >
< 01:35:11 >
< 01:35:12 >
< 01:35:13 >
< 01:35:14 >T: Have you ever seen a costume that ridiculous?
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< 01:35:37 >M: I like her in that position, too…
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< 01:36:07 >
< 01:36:08 >T: Ooohhhhh poopy.
< 01:36:09 >
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< 01:36:11 >
< 01:36:12 >
< 01:36:13 >
< 01:36:14 >
< 01:36:15 >M: I guess the princess had the balls to stoop to his level, eh?
< 01:36:16 >
< 01:36:17 >T: Kinda immasculated Ridley just now.
< 01:36:18 >
< 01:36:19 >
< 01:36:20 >
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< 01:36:22 >
< 01:36:23 >
< 01:36:24 >T: yeah, they sure are noble animations, aren’t they.
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< 01:36:37 >
< 01:36:38 >
< 01:36:39 >M: You do know how stupid you look right now, right?
< 01:36:40 >
< 01:36:41 >
< 01:36:42 >
< 01:36:43 >
< 01:36:44 >M: So honey…come around here often?
< 01:36:45 >
< 01:36:46 >T: He’s just as tall as the Empress.  Who kept track of this?
< 01:36:47 >
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< 01:36:49 >
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< 01:36:51 >
< 01:36:52 >
< 01:36:53 >M: So…I’m guessin’ Thora Birch ain’t gonna take her clothes off like she did in American Beauty, huh.
< 01:36:54 >
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< 01:36:59 >
< 01:36:60 >T: You gotta wonder why a sequel never came out, huh.
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< 01:37:25 >M: Thus did commoners rise to power.  Dozens of mages were slaughtered in the streets!  The elves and dwarves were subjugated to the Empress’ Communist rule.
< 01:37:26 >
< 01:37:27 >T: Again with the Communism with you.  You ok?
< 01:37:28 >
< 01:37:29 >M: What, you don’t think Communism is a major theme in this movie?
< 01:37:30 >
< 01:37:31 >T: No!
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< 01:37:38 >
< 01:37:39 >M: Well they’ve done Snails justice with this…pile of rocks.
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< 01:37:52 >
< 01:37:53 >T: So Snails was his birth name?
< 01:37:54 >
< 01:37:55 >
< 01:37:56 >
< 01:37:57 >T: Well, the movie was better without you…
< 01:37:58 >
< 01:37:59 >
< 01:37:60 >
< 01:38:00 >M: I’m used to it!
< 01:38:01 >T: Me too!
< 01:38:02 >
< 01:38:03 >
< 01:38:04 >
< 01:38:05 >
< 01:38:06 >
< 01:38:07 >
< 01:38:08 >T: Uh…no you didn’t, never mind.
< 01:38:09 >
< 01:38:10 >M: And now I’ll shag the hot mage in your memory.
< 01:38:11 >
< 01:38:12 >
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< 01:38:15 >
< 01:38:16 >
< 01:38:17 >T: Well, bye.
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< 01:38:36 >M: You coulda cashed in the big score to buy a better grave.
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< 01:38:43 >
< 01:38:44 >
< 01:38:45 >T: That’s what I’m calling it.
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< 01:39:44 >
< 01:39:45 >T: Don’t look into it!  It’s a Palantir!
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< 01:39:50 >
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< 01:39:56 >M: Huh?? What?? Where?
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< 01:40:09 >
< 01:40:10 >T: So  he’s alive?  He’s in the underworld? 
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< 01:40:30 >T: This makes sense that a teletubbies episode.
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< 01:40:35 >M: I bet Marlon turned into a Star Child or something.
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< 01:40:46 >T: Shame on you!
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< 01:40:49 >
< 01:40:50 >M: This moooovieee suuuuuccckkkks
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< 01:40:60 >T: So…what did we learn from this movie?
< 01:41:00 >
< 01:41:01 >M: I learned if you’re going to train a Crimson Brigade of soldiers, you really should teach them how to use weapons and not lose to 130 lbs. waifish thieves in 4-on-1 situations.
< 01:41:02 >
< 01:41:03 >
< 01:41:04 >
< 01:41:05 >T: I learned that thin foam latex armor can stop direct sword thrusts to the chest.
< 01:41:06 >
< 01:41:07 >
< 01:41:08 >M: I learned you can start a brawl in any pub by just shouting Barfight!
< 01:41:09 >
< 01:41:10 >
< 01:41:11 >T: I learned that blue lipstick doesn’t really manage to make you any more meanacing.
< 01:41:12 >
< 01:41:13 >M: At least not in the way you’re hoping.
< 01:41:14 >
< 01:41:15 >
< 01:41:16 >T: I learned that Thora Birch is the most wooden actress of all time.
< 01:41:17 >
< 01:41:18 >M: Yeah and I learned that Jeremy Irons has actually managed to out-act Shatner’s infamous Wrath of Khan scream.
< 01:41:19 >
< 01:41:20 >
< 01:41:21 >T: I learned that rangers routinely wear hot pink clothes and shiny steel breastplates that form fit to your hooters.
< 01:41:22 >
< 01:41:23 >
< 01:41:24 >M: I learned that dwarves are basically as tall as everyone else in the world.  And they wear fake Ronald McDonald red beards.
< 01:41:25 >
< 01:41:26 >T: I learned that YOU CAN RUN!!
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< 01:41:42 >T: Based on the game.  Yeah right.  
< 01:41:43 >
< 01:41:44 >M: I still say there were no dungeons.
< 01:41:45 >
< 01:41:46 >T: Ah, good.  So Barabara Lane brought us the silver breastplate, the Empresses’ stupid gold coin armor…give her a call!
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< 01:41:58 >M: As the generic square-jawed hero!
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< 01:42:11 >T: Thora Birch as Princess Amidala—I mean the Empress of Izmer!
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< 01:42:17 >
< 01:42:18 >M: And special thanks to Doctor Who.
< 01:42:19 >
< 01:42:20 >T: Yeah I wish some Daleks would have hit the movie and started to exterminate, EXTERMINATE!
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< 01:42:36 > T: Are you sure you want to take credit for this movie, Courtney?
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< 01:42:40 >M: It’s interesting to look at this Courtney Solomon movie and compare it to his earlier works.  
< 01:42:41 >
< 01:42:42 >T: Like uh…yeah…
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< 01:43:00 >T: Ah the Damodar Theme.  Makes me want to put to shave my head and paint my lips.
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< 01:43:26 >M: What sexy names.  Skop, Blau, Lux, Flumk…
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< 01:43:39 >M: Oh I know.  I learned in the movie like this it’s ok if your ending makes no sense because the audience will have walked out by now.
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< 01:43:46 >T: Is that really complimentary to call a woman “Bear?”
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< 01:44:00 >T: Ah, Toronto.  So we have Canada to blame for this.  Thanks a lot.
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< 01:44:06 >M: Look at those Russian names, buncha commies.
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< 01:44:08 >T: You need to calm down, for real!
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< 01:44:10 >M: What?  You need to open your eyes!  You need to see the red threat before it engulfs us all!  Stop defending them!
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< 01:44:13 >T: I’m not defending them!
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< 01:44:15 >M: Oh you were calling the Empress a pacifist, I bet you bought right into her dogma, eh Komrade?
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< 01:44:17 >T: I’m not a communist!  It’s this movie, it’s cast a spell on you.  It’s making you see things.
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< 01:44:19 >M: I know…I wish this movie would end…
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< 01:44:50 >M: How can two guys *be* the Base Camp?
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< 01:45:51 >T: In YOUR country, you edit the movie.  In Soviet Russia, the movie edits you!
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< 01:45:53 >M: Damn you!  Quit it!
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< 01:45:58 >T: From now on I want you to call me Jiri Jumbo.
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< 01:45:60 >M: The Spoony?
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< 01:46:22 >M: Wait, there was CG in this movie?  NO WAY\1
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< 01:46:25 >T: I know, it’s so seamless.  I can’t believe it.
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< 01:46:29 >M: Hey, Kramer was the Senior CG Supervisor.
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< 01:46:31 >T: Giddyup.
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< 01:46:35 >T: Hey this is a Rob Howard and Jongwoo film.
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< 01:46:41 >M: Hey, Dr. Who was a production coordindator too.
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< 01:47:13 >T: A PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES, Rodney!
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< 01:47:25 >M: Aw man these credits are longer than the movie!  Did they really think people would care about this?
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< 01:47:35 >t: You know I’ve seen 6 year olds playing D&D games that had more coherent plots than this.
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< 01:47:43 >M: Don’t miss Justin Whalin and Damon Wayans in Dungeons & Dragons 2: The Last Boy Scout.
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< 01:47:51 >T: Bond.  Completion Bond.
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< 01:48:05 >M: Yeah thanks a lot you guys.
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< 01:48:22 >T: I was just thinking, that Blue Lips guy REALLY wasn’t that scary.
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< 01:48:24 >M: What do you mean?
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< 01:48:26 >T: Well you’ve got a large beefy bald guy…speaks in a hoarse whisper all the time, has a gigantic black sword.
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< 01:48:28 >M: All good points.
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< 01:48:30 >T: And then you put iridescent sparkly blue lip gloss on him.
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< 01:48:32 >M: Well yeah.
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< 01:48:34 >T: What do you mean, “Yeah”.  
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< 01:48:36 >M: What that doesn’t scare you?
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< 01:48:38 >T: Oh it scares me, but not in that mortal terror kind of way.
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< 01:48:40 >M: It’s all to get in your head.  It’s to psych you out!
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< 01:48:42 >T: It is not!  I think he’s just the victim of a cruel prank he’s not aware of at the hands of other officers, or he’s just really fruity.
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< 01:48:44 >M: Well what do you suggest to make him scarier?
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< 01:48:46 >T: Well I dunno.  Maybe you could really revamp his image.  You know, hoop earrings, a Ginger wig, and lots of Mr. T bling-bling.
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< 01:48:48 >M: I’m hearin’ ya, I’m hearin’ ya.  How about this.  Same look, same scary black armor, only NO PANTS.
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< 01:48:50 >T: What??
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< 01:48:52 >M: No pants!
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< 01:48:54 >T: Okay man, you win.  That’s just terrifying.  You’re one demented robot, you know that?