INTRO.

NOTE: I tried numerous ideas for a show. Here are only some of them ...

THE THREE ASTRONAUTS IDEA:

(1 is sitting in the middle, while 2 and 3 throw a softball back and forth. The screen is a solid color)

1: What do you think they're going to show us today?

2: Who knows?

3: Who cares? We can take whatever they send our way.

1: What if it's so horribly bad, so insanely atrocious, that our brains get fried? It is possible to burn way too many brain cells watching such garbage.

(3 throws the ball over 2's head)

2: Too high!

(We hear glass break. The movie begins. The 3 men sit down in their seats.)

_______

NOTE: HERE IS AN EARLY DRAFT IN WHICH WE SEE THOSE ON EARTH COMMUNICATING WITH THE MOONBASE:

INT. EARTHBASE.

WOOD: OH GOOD, YOU'VE ARRIVED.

ED: I have the supplies.

WOOD: Good, put them in the transporter and send them up.

(Ed leaves the screen and we hear humming noises)

WOOD: Well, how is it up there on the moon, gentlemen? How are things progressing?

CUT TO:

INT. MOONBASE.

CONRAD: We're doing just fine. We haven't found signs of water or alien civilizations but the exploration of the Dark Side of the Moon is coming along nicely.

(In the background, Phil is trying to use ping pong balls and is trying to blow them up into the air)

CONRAD: Phil has taken to trying to learn circus tricks, so you can bet the cabin fever is really beginning to get to us.

PHIL: I can do this, I can do this, if I just only keep trying!!

CUT TO:

INT. EARTHBASE.

WOOD: Wayne is sending the supplies up right now.

(We hear a strange noise. Wayne appears)

ED: It's done. The shipment should already be there by now.

CUT TO:

INT. MOONBASE.

(They wheel the new member onto the set)

PHIL: Thanks, guys.

CONRAD: By the way, what's on the menu for today?

CUT TO:

INT. EARTHBASE.

WOOD: Approved by Moonbase Corporation, it's a piece of entertainment called ____________________________________ . Enjoy.

WHITE OUT.

WHITE IN.

INT. MOONBASE THEATER. CHROMA-KEY.

The two men enter the theater. They are mere silhouettes in front of a large screen.

THE MOVIE BEGINS.

________

NOTE: I ALSO TRIED AN OPENING NARRATION WHICH I LATER REJECTED BECAUSE IT WAS PLAIN BORING ... AND SOM EOF IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE ... I MUST'VE BEEN TIRED WHEN I WROTE IT ...

SHADOW OF THE MOON THEATER:

INT. CONTROL ROOM. MOONBASE NEAR THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.

THESE TITLES SCROLL UP THE SCREEN:

"Apollo 13 is commonly known as a failed space mission. One of the astronauts aboard that mission is known to have seen something that has not been reported to the world and has been kept a secret -- the image of an astronaut floating outside one of the view-ports -- at the time presumed to be an hallucination.

It was when this information reached earth that further study was done of the Dark Side of the Moon, and it was discovered that there indeed exists an intelligent species that has been watching mankind's progress ever since. This has been kept from public knowledge.

Unknown to most of the world's populace, man has been secretly sending researchers to study the alien species discovered there. The species is known as the Night Dwellers and they cannot come out into the light. And they will not communicate directly but in riddles only.

In 1973, Professor Harold Hamstring was among the first to travel to the moon and succeeded in being the first to communicate with the Night Dwellers quite by accident after watching a televised film on his office viewer. The alien species appeared at his office view-port and communicated a message to him. The rest is history.

The station is known as Moonbase Nine, and can only support three researchers. Since Hamstring's death countless others have continued the excellent work he began .... "

_______

NOTE: HERE IS THE MAN AND WOMAN CONCEPT OF THE MOONBASE:

(NOTE: This was written when I was considering riffing on “Fender Saves The World.”

MOONBASE THEATER:

SKIT #1:

INT. CONTROL ROOM. MOONBASE.

PHILK: (to camera) Did you know that working here at Moonbase 9 is like working in a nuclear silo. It's our job to watch each other, isn't that right, Jelly?

JELLY: That's right. If Conrad here decides to go a bit stir crazy and destroy some equipment, if he steps out of line, I'm under orders to shoot him.

PHILK: This is correct, and likewise with me. If Jelly here looses it and starts making phonecalls to earth to tell them exactly what we're doing up here. Pow! Right between the eyes!

JELLY: Yeah, well, what if I found you eating your toe-nails and sapitting them into the food processor.

PHILK: You are gross. (Jelly smiles) Yes, the potential for going absolutely bug-crazy is great. This is why the Space Commision put us through stress tests. I had to spend five hours in a tub full of snakes.

JELLY: Hah! I had to spend ten hours in a submersable with only a parrot that kept on saying, "We're gonna die! We're gonna die!"

PHILK: Alone on a deserted island for six months with nothing to eat but stale graham crackers. [It was diarrhea city]

JELLY: Oh, yeah? Try sitting in a virtual reality flight simulator that just crashing and crashing and crashing and crashing. (Starts to cry)

PHILK: She's okay guys, just a residue of postponed stress she's experiencing.

JELLY: Yeah, no need to bring me home ... yet ...

PHILK: (Looks at his watch) Well, first part is over, and still no sign of contact with the Night Dwellers. Let's continue baiting them, maybe they want to see a bit more before they comment, okay?

JELLY: (Sniff, sniff)

PHILK: There there ...

A FANTASTIC WIPE AND WE'RE IN THE THEATER.

SKIT #2:

INT. CONTROL ROOM. MOONBASE NEAR THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON. MIDDLE SKIT.

(Jelly, a woman is playing a videogame. Phil enters. And Fangford watches)

PHIL: What are you doing?

JELLY: Playing the text-game, Fender Saves The World. No! I was captured by the Martians and have to be taken to Mars to undergo rehabilitation.

PHIL: As a woman, what does that mean?

JELLY: I didn't sign on as a woman, I signed on as Fender. Let's see ... Classes in interior decorating! Nooo!

PHIL: Restart the game, sign on as a woman.

JELLY: Okay.

(Restarts the game)

JELLY: You are Princess Saturnia and are on a mission to save Venus. You must go to earth and using a sub-subliminal harmonics signal you must hypnotize the men of earth to do your will. However, Martians are hot on your trail. When you arrive on earth you ... a) Find the Martians and annihilate them? b) Get a manicure? c) Go ahead with the mission and get the harmonics signal on television commercials. I choose c) Get a manicure! What? The manicurists turn out to be Martian Spies, you are captured and killed immediately. Please, try again.

PHIL: Nice game. (nods and exits)

SKIT #3:

(Phil holds up a prop gun)

PHIL: What I have here is a Venusian Blaster Master, with over and under pump action, here, feel the weight.

(He tosses to a woman named Jelly who due to the weight of the gun falls backward upon catching it and out of the frame)

PHIL: (He's yelling like a drill sergeant now) What's the matter with you, soldier?

(Phil leans over her menacingly. We now have down shots of her frightened face looking up at him)

PHIL: Can't you carry a simple weapon like a Venusian Blaster Master?

JELLY: I'm trying, sir!

PHIL: Get up, you worthless pile of garbage.

(Jelly has trouble getting up, but manages)

PHIL: Now jog in place until I tell you to stop.

(Jelly jogs)

PHIL: Hold that weapon high above your head!

(Jelly tries to lift it, has trouble, finally she has it high above her head)

Fangford: MONSTER!!! MONSTER!!! Stop treating her like that!

PHIL: Did I say you could talk? Straighten up! Give me a hundred push-ups!

(The plant starts to bow and rise over and over. Jelly stops jogging)

JELLY: I can't do it anymore! I don't have the strength!

PHIL: FIND the strength within you, you worthless pile of trash!

JELLY: That's it! I've had enough! And we women have had enough of your rule! (She shoots Phil who falls down, then stands there triumphantly with her gun at her hip) That must have been how it happened, how the Venusians had enough and took control.

(She looses her balance and falls forward out of the frame)

A FANTASTIC WIPE AND WE'RE IN THE THEATER.

_______

Well that gives you a good idea of where some of my ideas for Moonbase Nine came from. Now on to what was ultimately videographed ... You’ll notice that Phil was Conrad Philk in this script. That was changed to Phil during the rehearsals and actual taping.

MOONBASE NINE: EPISODE ONE: OFFICER FENDER.

1.  INT. CONTROL ROOM. MOONBASE NINE.

(There are computers around. Commander Conrad Philk, wearing a grey jumpsuit, is trying to spoon-feed a talking plant that refuses to eat)

PHILK: C'mon, Fanghorn, it's just dead flies! Eat, it's good for you! C'mon, it's your favorite!

Fanghorn: No, no, no! I refuse to eat anything that was once alive! I refuse! I refuse!

PHILK: (to camera) Hi, I'm Conrad Philk, and this is my friend Fanghorn, a mutated plant. Since he began speaking I haven't been able to get him to eat. Apparently, his newfound intelligence has opened his eyes and he now respects all living things and he's become a vegetarian.

Fanghorn: I'm not a vegetarian! That would make me a cannibal!

PHILK: A what?

Fanghorn: A cannibal!!

PHILK: I can't hear you! Say it a bit louder!

Fanghorn: A canniBAL!!!!

(Philk shoves the spoon into its mouth)

Fanghorn: Ahh, nice and juicy. May I have another?

PHILK: Sure. (to camera) We'll be right back.

Fanghorn: More! More!

2. MUSICAL INTRO. OPENING TITLES SEQUENCE.

3. INT. CONTROL ROOM. MOONBASE NINE.

(Fanghorn is moaning)

Fanghorn: Ohhhhh, ohhhh, my stomache.

PHILK: Are you okay?

Fanghorn: Do you have any Peptol Bismol?

PHILK: Sure, but I don't know if it's going to work on a plant. I told you you shouldn't eat too much, but do you ever listen to me? Nooo.

Fanghorn: Oh, my aching belly.

PHILK: (to camera) Hi there. Welcome to Moonbase Nine where anything can happen. It's almost nine o'clock. Time for Space Command to send over the latest approved piece of cinematic entertainment. So, hold on to your pants ladies and gentlemen, 'cause tonight's showing is a series of three shorts entitled "THE ADVENTURES OF OFFICER FENDER."

Fanghorn: Ohhhh, ohhhhh. Am I gonna die?

PHILK: No, you'll survive ....

(We Hear an alarm)

PHILK: It's nine o'clock! It's movie time!!!

A FANTASTIC WIPE ACROSS THE SCREEN AND WE'RE IN THE THEATER.

4. THEATER: OFFICER FENDER. REEL ONE.

(We see a row of seats and Philk steps into the theater where Fanghorn has already taken a seat)

MOONBASE NINE: THEATER SCRIPT: OFFICER FENDER: REEL ONE

By Nathaniel Torres, Vincent Bagnall, Lee Teplitsky and Wade Lance

(Conrad and Fanghorn are siting in the theater, they are mere silhouettes at the bottom left of the television screen)

Opening Titles: “My name is Fender and I’m a cop ... Etc.”

FANGHORN: Hey, can I have some popcorn?

CONRAD: Sure. I’m sorry.

FANGHORN: That’s okay, I know you’re a hog.

CONRAD: Just for that I’m not giving you any.

FANGHORN: Okay, I’m aorry, I apologize.

(Conrad hands over popcorn cup and Fanghorn eats)

COFFEE CUP APPEARS.

CONRAD: Wow, it the magical appearing-disappearing coffee cup!

LINE: .... Crazies were out on the streets.

CRAWLING MAN PEEING ON FENDER:

CONRAD: Ah, his shoes needed washing anyway.

FENDER LOOKS AT HIS WATCH.

CONRAD: Hey, I wonder what time it is?

FANGHORN: Time for you to get a watch.

CONRAD: There must be a Starbucks on the corner.

ROBBER APPEARS.

CONRAD: I’ll bet that guy is gonna ask for a handout.

LINE: .... Gimme all your money!

CONRAD: See? I told you he was gonna ask for a handout.

COPS PULL OUT BADGES.

CONRAD: (Mexican accent. Treasure of the Sierra Madre) Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!!

ROBBER RUNS OFF. COPS PURSUE.

LINE: I don’t think so ...

FANGHORN: And the chase is on!

FENDER RETURNS FOR THE DOUGHNUT BAG.

CONRAD: Oh, I get it, he’s a cop and he likes doughnuts! That joke is as old as ... Kojak ... Who loves ya, baby!

FANGHORN: Get him. Give it to him! .... Once they catch him what are they going to charge him with?

CONRAD: One hundred counts of mocking a police officer?

ACTORS REACH THE BRIDGE.

COVERED ROBBER ON BRIDGE.

CONRAD: Oh, very funny.

FANGHORN: All this running, at least they’re all getting a good workout.

CONRAD: Thirty days for thirty dollars, Bally’s Total Fitness Program.

FANGHORN: Sign me up for the tanning salon!

STOP SIGN:

ALL: Stop!!!

LINE: Stop, you punk!!!

LINE: F*** YOU!!!

CONRAD: Bleep!!!

CONRAD: Boy, this chase is going on a long time.

FANGHORN: (Singing) STOP, IN THE NAME OF LOVE, BEFORE YOU ...

LINE: .... In the alley, there’s no way out.

CONRAD: (to the tune of “We’re in the money”) He’s in the alley, he’s in the alley! .... Just shoot him, blast him, kill him, blow the punk away!

FANGHORN: Kitty! .... Kitty!

LINE: ... Tiniest of spaces.

CONRAD: They haven’t even done a thorough search of the alley and already they’re giving up? ... Numskulls.

LINE: Good police work.

CONRAD: Hey, don’t turn your back on a potential killer!!

PARTNER ONE IS SHOT NUMEROUS TIMES.

CONRAD: I told you so.

FANGHORN: Does he have a pistol there or a machine-gun? How many bullets can one gun POSSIBLY have? ... I want a gun like that.

CONRAD: Ten bullets, what is that?, Ten consecutive life sentences, or, the death penalty.

FANGHORN: Death by flatulent inspection.

LINE: Stupid cop ... Stupid cop!

FANGHORN: I’ve decided, I like this guy.

CLOSE UP OF FENDER.

FANGHORN: As for Fender, ahhhh, I’m undecided.

TO BE CONTINUED ...

ALL: Unfortunately.

FANGHORN: Ahhhhhh.

A FANTASTIC WIPE AND WE'RE BACK IN THE CONTROL ROOM.

5. INT. MOONBASE NINE. CONTROL ROOM.

FANGHORN: I saw a kitty cat, I saw a kitty cat!

PHILK: Yes, Fanghorn, you saw a kitty cat!

FANGHORN: I want one! I want a kitty cat!

JELLY: No, Fanghorn, that's not possible. Company policy. No animals.

FANGHORN: I'll hold my breath until you give me a cat! (holds breath)

PHILK: C'mon, don't be like that, Fanghorn. Stop it, you'll hurt yourself.

(Still holding breath. Philk starts to tickle the plant)

PHILK: C'mon, little buddy, tickle tickle, tickle tickle .... !

FANGHORN: (bursting out) Hah ahahaha hhahaha!!! Aw, PLEASE, I want a cat! Maybe when we go to earth, you can get me one!!

PHILK: No, no, I don't think that's a good idea! Cats like to eat plants!

FANGHORN: Really? Bad cat! Bad cat!

PHILK: Yes, Fanghorn, it might chew on your leaves, or do even worse things to you, since they like attacking things that move!

FANGHORN: Bad kitties! (Pause) How about a dog?

(Philk throw up his hands)

A FANTASTIC WIPE AND WE'RE BACK IN THE THEATER.

6. MOONBASE NINE: THEATER SCRIPT: OFFICER FENDER: REEL TWO:

(Conrad is a  mere silhouettes at the bottom left of the television screen.)

CRAWLING MAN:

CONRAD: That’s the longest line of coke I’ve ever seen.

DANCING WOMAN:

FANGHORN: There goes that woman again.

CONRAD: I think she’s a metaphor, just like the crawling guy.

FANGHORN: For what?

CONRAD: I have no idea.

LINE: My wallet! Stop! Thief!

CONRAD: I know, this who movie seems to be an excuse for writing chase music.

FANGHORN: What are we to make of all this running?

CONRAD: Run, Lola, Run, with Franka Potente ....

FANGHORN: Cannonball Run with Burt Reynolds .... 

CONRAD: Silent Running with Bruce Dern ....

FANGHORN: The Running Man with Arnold Schwartzenegger ....

CONRAD: Run, Rabbit, Run with James Caan ....

FANGHORN: Blade Runner with Harrison Ford ....

CONRAD: Midnight Run with Robert DeNiro.

FANGHORN: Runaway Jury with Dustin Hoffman ....

CONRAD: The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner with Tom Courtney ....

FANGHORN: Chariots of Fire!

CONRAD: Hey, that doesn’t have run in the title.

FANGHORN: Gimme a break, all they do in that film is run!

CONRAD: Band on the Run by Paul McCartney ....

FANGHORN: Run by Pink Floyd ....

CONRAD: My Little Runaway by Del Shannon ....

FANGHORN: Running on Empty by Jackson Brown ....

CONRAD: Boy, these guys are really in shape (ACTION: Cop leans against building) Oh, I take that back.

THEY REACH THE ENTRANCE.

LINE: I don’t give a holy cow’s ass!!!

CONRAD: Bleep!

FANGHORN: Get him! Give it to him!

LINE: ... Screwing all of us!

CONRAD: In the middle of a chase you decide to stop and complain? How about in the middle of open heart surgery on your chest I stopped to have a cigarette?

LINE: ... Spawn of Kali.

CONRAD: Officer Fender, the Video Game! .... Yes, buy Officer Fender the Video Game II and you’ll receive 15 new levels of game play, dozens of new enemies, better graphics, many more traps and surprises, and all the blood and gore you come to expect from Officer Fender. Severed heads sold separately.

ROBBER TRAPPED IN A CORNER.

CONRAD: Ahhh, trapped like a rat! .... The Chase with Marlon Brando, Chevy Chase, Steeple Chase, Charlie Chase, Let’s Cut To Another Chase, Chasing Amy, Chase Manhattan, You Chase Manhattan -- I’d Rather Chase Suzanna!

CONRAD: I Shot The Sheriff by Bob Marley, They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?, Shoot the Moon, The Shootist, The Streets of San Fransisco, Dirty Harry, Fort Apache the Bronx, In the Heat of the Night, Dragnet, Prince of the City, Hawaii Five O, Mannix, C.H.I.P.P.S., Naked City, Starsky and Hutch, One Good Cop, Kindergarten Cop, NYPD Blue, Hill Street Blues, Barney Miller, Copland, And who can forget the coppertop battery!

SECOND SHOOTING: PARTNER TWO DIES.

CONRAD: Beavis Noooooooo!!!!!

LINE: ... I’ve been shot!

CONRAD: Oh, it’s the Adventures of Officer Down!

LINE: ... Rosebud? I don’t know.

FANGHORN: WHO THE HELL WAS DEEP THROAT???

EXIT SIGN:

CONRAD: Will there ever be a way out of this film???

To Be Continued ....

ALL: Noooooooooo !!!!!!!!!!

7. INT. CONTROL ROOM. MOONBASE.

FANGHORN: But, what does it mean, Philk? What does it mean?

PHILK: The line about Calcutta? Who knows?

FANGHORN: The last time I saw something like that I was in Calcutta!! I want to know what it means, it's driving me crazy!!

PHILK: Computer?

COMPUTER: Yes.

PHILK: Give me the rundown on Calcutta, India, Earth.

COMPUTER: CALCUTTA is a city in East India. Second only to Bombay it is India's second most populous metropolitan area. The principal manufactures of the city include jute products, textiles, processed food, electric and transportation equipment, iron and steel, chemicals, and rubber goods. Being one of the world's most inhabited and colorful cities --

PHILK: -- Nevermind all of that. Is the city crawling with people? I mean, are there lots of people crawling around on their hands and knees?

COMPUTER: No.

FANGHORN: Then what does it mean? What does it mean?

PHILK: It doesn't mean anything. It was just a joke.

FANGHORN: But aren't jokes supposed to be funny?

PHILK: Generally, yes.

FANGHORN: But this wasn't funny.

PHILK: No, it wasn't.

FANGHORN: Then it wasn't a joke which makes it social commentary. But there are no crawlers in Calcutta, which means it is not social commentary, then what is it?

PHILK: Let's get on with the show ....

FANGHORN: WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEEAAAANNNNNNNNN????????

(A FANTASTIC WIPE AND WE'RE IN THE THEATER)

8. MOONBASE NINE: THEATER: OFFICER FENDER: REEL THREE.

OPENING TITLES.

CONRAD: Well, we’ve come to the last part, I hope all is well that ends well. On second thought I kind of doubt it, after all, have the film-makers given us any sign that this is a work of quality?

GROCERY STORE: CRAWLING MAN.

FANGHORN: Boy, he sure manages to get around, considering he crawls his way through life.

CONRAD: It’s the new game show -- crawling for dollars.

FANGHORN: Don’t crawl me I’ll crawl you.

OLD WOMAN WALKING INTO STORE.

CONRAD: Your momma is so ugly she still wears combat boots ...

FANGHORN: Yeah, well, your momma is so dumb she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it ...

CONRAD: Oh yeah, your momma is so fat she uses a refridgerator as a beeper ... Oh yeah?

SOUND: Water Leaking.

CONRAD: We have a leak! Abandon ship!

FANGHORN: Hey, look before you leak!

ROBBER’S LAUGHTER.

WOMAN DANCES BY.

ROBBER PULLS OF WIG AND HAT!

CONRAD: I’ll tell you, you’ve got to be a dedicated actor to go around in a dress in public flipping people the bird!

FANGHORN: My hat goes off to him! And my shirt, and my pants, and my bra, and my --

CONRAD: -- Okay, enough already.

THE CHASE IS ON.

FANGHORN: Let’s see, we have the crawling guy and the dancing lady, but, what do they mean?

CONRAD: I think I get it. It’s obvious. We crawl through life but must have a sense of fun about it.

FANGHORN: That’s all? That is the message?

CONRAD: Well, I’ll be damned if I can get more of a message from it than that.

FANGHORN: We’ve been intellectually ripped off!!!

CONRAD: I’m afraid so.

FANGHORN: What a bummer.

CONRAD: More chasing. Will this never end??? How many must die to satisfy the whims of these film-makers?

FANGHORN: Oh, the humanity!

SHOOTING OF THIRD PARTNER.

FENDER STALKING ALONG THE WALL.

CONRAD: Finally, Fender goes on the offensive.

FANGHORN: He’s in Dirty Harry mode.

CONRAD: (playing baseball announcer) Yes, he’s rounded third and heading for home! He’s heading down the final stretch! Outfielder whirls it home, just in time! Oh boy! Fender’s gotten himself into a pickle! Yes! He’s safe! He’s safe! Fender made it! He’s safe! Fender wins it for the home team! Yeeeaahhhhhh!!!!!! Yeahhhhhh! Yeahhhhhhhh!

FENDER SHOOTS THE ROBBER.

FANGHORN: Ahhh, victory, ahhhhhh.

CONRAD: Wait a minute, that’s not standard police proceedure! To shoot a dying, defenseless man in cold blood? What kind of a cop is this?

FANGHORN: It was a dangerous game of cat and mouse, but, who was the cat and who was the mouse.

CONRAD: Tom was the cat, Jerry was the mouse.

CONRAD: Honey, I shot a man today. What’s for dinner?

FANGHORN: Where were the bombs, the explosions, the terrorists? THE GRATUITOUS SEX? There must be blood in a cop film! This was a total drag! Ahhhhhhh.

CONRAD: Don’t do it, Fender, you’re dancing with a metaphor!

END CREDITS.

9. INT. MOONBASE. CONTROL ROOM.

(Fanghorn has a gun)

FANGHORN: Okay, Sheriff!

PHILK: Okay, outlaw!

(camera pans to Philk, who has guns at his hips, hands outstretched, ready to draw)

PHILK: You've killed every deputee I ever had and it's time for a showdown. Why did you do it, Man With No Name?

(pan to Fanghorn)

FANGHORN: Cause I'm a bad bad bad bad man, that's why. And I never knew my mommy.

PHILK: Really? Wanna talk about it.

FANGHORN: No, I just want to commit suicide by sheriff, if you don't mind.

PHILK: Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? I'm a good listener.

FANGHORN: No, I'd just rather die.

(We hear the Whistle Music, Spagetti-Westerm-like, as the cameras get close-ups of their faces, their eyes. The camera cuts back and forth between them)

PHILK: Hey, someone's on the Tele-Scoper!!!

(Fender appears in the ring of light that is the Tele-Scoper)

PHILK: Who're you?

FENDER: Hi, guys, It's me, Fender! I just thought I'd let you know that violence is not the answer!

PHILK: But, you killed that robber in the film!

FENDER: Yeah, I kind of lost it there for a minuter or two, but, if I had to do it over again, I'd show a little bit more mercy.

FANGHORN: Fender, can I have your autograph?

FENDER: Sure, I'll send you my headshot. Who do I say it's for?

FANGHORN: Uh, it's for my cousin, Billy, uhhh, Billy Robber, yeah, that's it!

FENDER: Billy Robber, eh? Are you sure this isn't for you?

FANGHORN: No, no, oh, no!

PHILK: You can send it to Moonbase 9, care of me.

FENDER: And who are you?

PHILK: Conrad Philk, Commander, Moonbase Nine. And this is my second in command, Fanghorn.

FENDER: Tell you what ... You ought to take your friend outside for some air, he's looking a little green, don't you think?

A FANTASTIC WIPE AND WE GO TO

10. END CREDITS.

NOTE: So, that’s it for The Adventures of Officer Fender. The final product leaves much to be desired, but, it was my first attempt at doing a shadowrama show, so it was still fun.

Take care and be well.

N. Torres.
December 2005.