Shorts Spectacular!! Vol. 1

Segment One

	(Jason is sitting, looking bored and humming “All That She Wants” by Ace of Base. He looks at the camera and stops.)

	Jason: Oh, hi. Um, you’re probably wondering about a few things. One, we redecorated down here. We figured we should do something with all that time we went stuck down here and not watching a movie. Then right when we got finished, Dr. Snyder came down and took Cokie. I would’ve fought him and tried to escape...but he did it while I was sleeping. And that was about a week ago, so I don’t know what Snyder is doing to Cokie and-
	(Cokie is heard screaming then he comes flying towards Jason. Jason catches him.) 
	Jason: Ah, hey Cokie. What happened to you?
	Cokie: Man, you don’t even want to know.
	Jason: Hey...you sound funny.
	Cokie: Well, it was awful. He had me knocked out for a day and-
	Jason: Your voice...sounds familiar...
	Cokie: Then I woke up and I was strapped to this table and there was a body on this other table-
	Jason: I know I heard that voice somewhere...
	Cokie: And well, I got some bad news, Jason.
	Jason: Oh my god!! You’re...
	Cokie: Bill.
	Jason: Holy shit!!
	(Jason stands up, dropping Cokie to the floor.)
	Cokie: OW! Hey, man!
	Jason: Sorry. But...
	(Jason picks Cokie back up and puts him on the table.)
	Jason: I’m gonna get to the bottom of this.
	(Jason picks up a TV remote and pushes a button.)
	Jason: SNYDER!!!

	(Goes to Snyder sitting and inspecting Chickie.)
	Snyder: Hmm...so far no signs of abnormal feather growth...
	Jason: SNYDER!!!!
	Snyder: AH! (Almost drops Chickie but catches him in time.) Soto!! You almost made me drop Chickie!!
	Jason: Forget Chickie, what did you do to Cokie and to Bill?
	Snyder: Ah, you found out. Well, I was doing some Spring cleaning and-
	Jason: It’s the middle of winter!
	Snyder: So I wanted an early start!!! Anyway, I found Szany in my frozen containment chamber and realized I didn’t really want his body frozen anymore. So I decide to pick it apart for extra DNA samples and experiment on Cokie and Chickie.
	Jason: So you gave Cokie Bill’s voice box?
	Snyder: Pretty much. Well, not the entire voice box. A human voice box can’t fit in a dog. 
	Jason: So the other half?
	Snyder: Well...
	Chickie (Clears throat): Ahem. If I may say something.
	Jason: Sure Chickie, I-(Pauses) What the hell??????
	Cokie: Holy crap, he sounds like me, but with a slight accent.
	Jason: You know, if Chickie could talk, I always pictured him to sound like that.
	Cokie: Yeah, me too.
	Snyder: Chickie!! You can talk!! He can talk!!!! TALK!!!!! TALK!!!!!!!
	Chickie: Jesus, shut up, yo! Word, dang!
	Snyder: What, that’s weird, your accent and mannerisms changed.
	Chickie: Well, wooo-hooo!!! Yee-haw!!!!!! Dang-tootin!
	Jason: So let me get this straight, you divided Bill’s voice box, put half in Cokie, and half in Chickie, and Chickie is having an identity crisis now?
	Snyder: He’s probably rejecting the transplant. I’m gonna have to work on him. In the meantime-
	Jason: Yeah, yeah, our movie.
	Snyder: Oh, no, Soto. I got something good for you. Something special. Instead of one movie, you’re going to be watching eight...short educational films! First up, “The Last Prom” a depressing story of Prom Night that doesn’t include sex. Much like my prom. (AHEM) Following that is “Why Doesn’t Cathy Eat Breakfast?” ENJOY!!
	Chickie (Sounding like Jason): Yes, enjoy!
	Jason: ACK!!!!!!
	Cokie: How the hell did he do that?
	Jason: I don’t wanna know. Let’s get into the theater.
Segment Two

	(Cokie is sitting on the table and Jason comes up and looks at him oddly. He grabs a pen and slightly pokes him.)

	Cokie: OW! What’s that for? 
	Jason: Huh? 
	Cokie: You just poked me. What the hell are you doing?
	Jason: I’m just a tad bit weirded out by this whole thing. 
	Cokie: Well, I am too, but I’m not poking you with a writing utensil. 
	Jason: You’re not even acting like your old self.
	Cokie: Listen, shut up you stupid moron before I bit your legs so hard you can’t walk for a week.
	Jason: Ah, nevermind. There you are.
	(Goes to Snyder and he is working on Chickie.)
	Snyder: Ok, Chickie, say “Hello”. Hello...
	Chickie (Like Christopher Walken): Hello...little man. It is...so nice...to see you. 
	Snyder: Impressive...but no. Let me try...(Looks up) Oh, um, your next short is “Social Sex Attitudes In Adolescence”. Hope you learn a thing or two, Soto.
	Jason: Well, I’m sure-Hey!
	Cokie (Laughing): Hehe, good one.
	Jason: Shut up. Let’s get back into the theater.

Segment Three

	(Cokie is sitting there and Jason walks by.)

	Cokie: Hey Jason, you should see this.
	Jason: What?
	Cokie: Chickie and all of these voices he does. It’s pretty weird.

	(Goes to Snyder & Chickie. Snyder looks frustrated.)
	Snyder: Say that again, Chickie?
	Chickie (Like Arnold): I am the governor and I was the terminator! I rule. 
	Snyder: Ok, that’s just annoying. Let’s see what this does.
	(Snyder messes around with something with the screwdriver.)
	Chickie (Like Elmo): Is this what you want? YAY!!! Chickie says, this is great, kids! Yay!!!!
	Snyder: Damn it! This is getting harder and more annoying. Until I figure it out, Soto, your next two shorts are “I Like Bikes, But...” and “The Crossroads Crash”. 
	Chickie: Today’s letter is R! YAY!!
	Snyder: Shut up!

	(Goes back to Cokie and Jason)
	Cokie: I bet I could do that. (Talks like Elmo) Hello Boys and girls!!
	Jason: Oh no, not you now! Come on, we gotta get back to the theater.

Segment Four

	(Jason comes up to Cokie.)
	Jason: Hey, I was wondering how much of Bill he put in you.
	Cokie: That just sounds sick.
	Jason: No, I meant memory wise. I’m gonna ask you some things that only Bill would know.
	Cokie: Oh, ok then. Go for it.
	Jason: Ok, um...what was the name of that prostitute that I bought for you on your 21st birthday?
	Cokie: Whoa... umm...Jane?
	Jason: Jane? Is that your...final answer?
	Cokie: No, wait...can I use a life line?
	Jason: Yes. You have three life lines, which one do you wanna use?
	Cokie: I wanna...phone a friend.
	Jason: Ok, we’ll connect you.
	(Silence for a moment.)
	Godzilla (On phone): Like, hello?
	Cokie: Hello Godzilla?
	Godzilla: Like, whoa man, what’s up?
	Cokie: Hey, I need help on a question here.
	Godzilla: Ok, go for it, man.
	Cokie: What was the name of that prostitute that Jason bought for me on my 21st birthday?
	Godzilla: Oh man, um...
	Cokie: Hurry, I only got 20 seconds.
	Godzilla: Umm..well...er...um...I think it was....oh it started with a S. Umm..
	Cokie: 10 seconds.
	Godzilla: Oh! Yeah!! Remember that one time when you talked about it, you said that you remembered because her name was-
	Jason: OH! Time is UP!!!! What’s your answer gonna be?
	Cokie: Umm...I’m gonna have to go with...Jane because Godzilla said it began with an S, and that’s the obvious choice.
	Jason: Is that your final answer?
	Cokie: Yes.
	Jason: Cokie, who sounds like my best friend Bill...
	Cokie: Yes?
	Jason: I have to say that...YOU ARE WRONG!!! A HAHAHA!!! 
	Cokie: Oh man, what was her name?
	Jason: It was a trick question, I didn’t buy it, he did.
	Cokie: OH!
	Jason: Guess there isn’t any bit of Bill besides his voice box inside of you. Anyway, Snyder, how many more of these shorts do we have to go through?
	(Goes to Snyder and Jim Croche is heard playing.)
	Snyder: Oh, um, your last three shorts are called “Trouble With Women”, “Barbers & Beauticans” and finally, “Joy Ride”. In the meantime, I’m gonna figure out how to get Chickie to stop sounding like Jim Croche. 
	Cokie: Sure it wasn’t Jane?
	Jason: Yes, Cokie. Her name was Silver. I think. Oh well, let’s go finish up these shorts.

Segment Five

	(Jason and Cokie are looking at an exercise bike next to him.)
	Jason: Boy, that Snyder. He’s a hotshot.
	Cokie: Check out his fancy exercise bike.
	Jason: What a hotshot.
	Cokie: Wanna take it for a spin?
	Jason: Why would I wanna see an exercise bike? What a hotshot.
	Cokie: Come on, let’s take it for a spin. Snyder is gonna be working on Chickie for the next two hours, we can have it back by then.
	Jason: Well...ok.
	(Jason gets on and puts Cokie on the handlebars and starts moving the bike.)
	Jason: Hey, this is nice.
	(Jason moves it faster and faster.)
	Cokie: Whoa, Jason, you’re going to fast.
	Jason: I’m not going too fast-
	Cokie: Stop the bike!!
	Jason: NO!! I’m not!!
	Cokie: Jason!
	Jason: STOP IT! STOP!
	Both: AHHHHH!!!!
	(They both fall off the bike.)
	
	(Shows a frozen still of Jason and Cokie on the bike while a slow song is being played.)

	Ohhhh...you were young and carefree....
	Then you got on a exercise bike...
	Now you all are dead...
	Whoa ohh ohh..
	All are dead...
	Ohhh yeah....died a horrible death..
	All terribly mangled and guts everywhere...
	Whoa ohh ohhh..
	You thought you’d live forever
	Until you stole a bike...
	Ohhh yeah yeah yeah...you died...
	Died...

	(Goes to Snyder and he slams the screwdriver down.)
	Snyder: OK!!! Whatever voice Chickie talks in, this is the voice he’s gonna keep. Ok, Chickie?
	(Chickie doesn’t say anything.)
	Snyder: Chickie?
	(Still nothing)
	Snyder: Oh, well...Until next time Soto.

	(Snyder turns the camera off.)

The End