Episode 9-Lair of The White Worm

Segment One

	(Jason and Cokie are just standing there, looking at the camera.)

	Cokie: Hey, we're on.
	Jason: Oh, right. Hi everyone. We're just here waiting for Dr. Snyder to talk in his new voice. We've been on the edge of our seats just waiting and now finally we get to hear him talk. Dr. Snyder?
	(Goes to Dr. Snyder and he is just clearing his throat, holding up one finger. He goes to talk, then he clears his throat again. He goes to talk again but clears his throat one more time.)
	Jason: Oh will you just come on and talk already!!
	Dr. Snyder (Sounding like the guy from "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2"): Oh fine, Soto. Here! How do you like my new voice?
	Jason: Hm, it sounds familiar...
	Dr. Snyder: It should.
	Jason: Hey wait a minute...don't tell me...
	Dr. Snyder: GARBAGE DAY!!!
	Jason: Oh my God, you got your voice to sound like the guy from "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2"?
	Cokie: That is just so stupid.
	Dr. Snyder: Well, I like it. And plus I got a cool make over.
	Jason: Yeah, I did notice that you looked different.
	Dr. Snyder: Yeah. Those "Queer Eye" guys made me over. Neat huh?
	Jason: Um, yeah...hey wasn't your brother just there with you?
	Dr. Snyder: Yeah he was but I put him in the deep freeze for going through my things...and for not treating Chickie right. Hey, where is Chickie?
	(Looks and Chickie is hiding under a blanket.)
	Dr. Snyder: Oh, Chickie isn't use to my new voice yet. (To Chickie) Here Chickie, Come here Chickie. That's a good Chickie...Well while I try to get him out, your movie today is called "Lair of The White Worm" starring Hugh Grant. Here Chickie, Chickie, Chickie...I got some eggs for you..oh no wait-
	Jason: Well, I must say that is rather disappointing.
	Cokie: I dunno...I kinda like the hair.
	Jason: You would. The movie's starting. Let's go.

Segment Two

	(Cokie is on the table and there are some books by him. Jason comes in.)

	Jason: Hey, Cokie, what ya doing?
	Cokie: Hey Jason. I was watching that VH1 show about the 80's-
	Jason: Oh, "I Love The 80's".
	Cokie: Wow, I love the 80's too, that's neat.
	Jason: No, I meant-
	Cokie: Anyway, they were featuring those "Choose Your Adventure" books in one episode.
	Jason: Oh, I use to read those all the time. You would have to figure out what to do next by going to assigned pages. I loved them.
	Cokie: Well, since now-a-days no one can think up of anything original and they bring back toys and fads from the 80's I figured I'll bring back those books. 
	Jason: Ohh...ok. So, your books have outragous adventures through space and time?
	Cokie: No. In my books, you are a famous celebrity and you get to choose what to do. And this movie inspired me to write this one.
	(Jason picks up a book.)
	Jason: "You Are Hugh Grant".
	Cokie: Yeah, you go through a typical day in the life of Hugh Grant. Check it out.
	Jason: Ok. (Opens book) You Are Hugh Grant. You wake up in your king sized bed with Elizabeth Hurley next to you. What do you do first thing? To get up, go to the bathroom, and leave so you can arrive on the set of "Nine Months" go to page 5. To wake up Elizabeth Hurley and have wild sex with her, go to page 15. Well, I'd rather have sex with Elizabeth Hurley so...
	(Jason turns the page.)
	Jason (Reading): While getting it on with Elizabeth Hurley, the house blows up and you are dead. The End. So I'm guessing I was suppose to go to the movie shoot..ok so I'll back track.
	(Turns the page.)
	Jason (Reading): After filming a scene in "Nine Months" the director calls for a lunch break. You get in your car and drive down Sunset Blvd when you feel like having sex. To pick up Divine Brown on a street corner, go to page 20. To go back home and have sex with Elizabeth Hurley, go to page 25. Well...I'll pick Elizabeth Hurley again.
	(Turns the page.)
	Jason: You contract all kinds of STD's and HIV diseases causing your weiner to fall off. You get depressed and before you can film "Mickey Blue Eyes" you kill yourself. The part goes to John Tesh. The End. Um, Cokie, I'm picking up here that you dont like Elizabeth Hurley.
	Cokie: It's not that I don't like her, I just think Hugh shouldn't have been doing her, that's all. And plus his life got a whole lot better when that whole Divine Brown thing happened, so that was the wiser choice.
	Jason: Good point there. You think these books are really gonna sell?
	Cokie: Oh yeah. I also wrote "You are Tom Cruise" "You Are Bruce Willis" and my personal favorite "You Are Richard Simmons". 
	Jason: I see...well, I'll have to check those out. Oh, we gotta get-
	Cokie: To go back to the movie, go to page 17. To stay here and read my books, go to page 4.
	Jason: Well, we don't have much of a choice, we have to get back to the movie.
	Cokie: Damn. That means a giant man eating ladybug is gonna kill us and have mean sex with our dead bodies. Good job Jason.
	Jason: Just...get in the theater. Ew...

Segment Three

	(Goes to Jason and he is sitting there. Then he thinks of something and picks up a phone and dials a number. Then he listens.)

	Jason: Hey Cokie? It's Jason. Yeah, I was just thinking about those scenes in the movie where the characters are talking to no one on the phone and they just show one side of the conversation. Isn't that rather stupid? Yeah I know. Well, ok, I'll let you go. See you later.
	(Jason hangs up.)
	(Goes to Cokie and he is at a cellphone.)
	Cokie: Aw man, I forgot to tell Jason something. Let me call him back. 
	(Cokie just sits there.)
	Cokie: Jason? It's Cokie. Yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm expecting a very important phone call from my agent. Yeah I went back to him. Don't call him stupid. Oh forget you, just don't stay on the phone for too long, ok? Bye.
	(Cokie hangs up.)
	(Goes to Dr. Snyder and Chickie is hiding under a blanket. Dr. Snyder is looking at Chickie.)
	Dr. Snyder: Oh come on Chickie, you gotta come out soon enough. (Sighs) Let me see what Soto thinks I should do.
	(Dr. Snyder picks up a phone and dials.)
	Dr. Snyder: Soto? It's Dr. Snyder. Do you know what I should do to get Chickie to come out of hiding? Well, no need to be mean about it. Oh, that is a good idea, I will call Cokie and ask him. Thanks, Soto.
	(Dr. Snyder hangs up.)
	(Goes to Cokie and a phone is heard ringing.)
	Cokie: Talk to me. Yeah, Dr. Snyder, what do you want? I don't know how to get a rooster out of hiding. Ok, ok...(Sighs) A chicken out of hiding. I know I'm also an animal but that doesn't mean...well...maybe you should bribe him with food or something. Or get a female rooster...chicken fine... Yeah, yeah...I'm expecting a call from my agent...ok...yeah...bye. (Sighs)
	(Goes to Jason and a phone is heard ringing. Jason answers.)
	Jason: Hello? Oh, hi Cokie, did Dr. Snyder call you? And what? Hm. Yeah he is a douche bag. Oh, we gotta get back to the movie. Yeah I'll see you there. Ok, bye.
	(Jason leaves.)

Segment Four

	(Jason comes up confused.)

	Jason: Man, this is a strange confusing movie. I wish it could be explained to me.
	Cokie: Maybe it can.
	Jason: Really? How?
	Cokie: Why, by using "The People Processor" of course.
	Jason: Of course! The People Processor! Thanks "COKE's"
	Cokie: No problem.
	(Jason brings up a door.)
	Jason: Ok, let's bring Hugh Grant.
	Cokie: Dialing him up now and...
	(The door opens and Hugh Grant steps through.)
	Hugh Grant: I dare say, where am I?
	Jason: Hey Hugh Grant, don't be alarmed. Me and my pal "COKE's" here just bought you here through our People Processor.
	Hugh Grant: Coke's?
	Cokie: Yeah. It stands for "Cybonetically Or Kinetically Enginnered". 
	Hugh Grant: Umm...ok. So, why did you bring me here?
	Jason: Why, we are watching the movie "Lair of The White Worm" and it is confusing us, so we were hoping you would explain it to us.
	Hugh Grant: Ah, I see. Gladly. Well, I play this English fellow who is in love with Andie McDowell and we go to all these weddings, and a funeral and-
	Jason: Um, isn't that "Four Weddings & A Funeral".
	Hugh Grant: Oh yes, my mistake. The movie you're talking about has me playing an English fellow who is married and his wife is having their baby and I get all excited and nervous and-
	Cokie: That's "Nine Months".
	Hugh Grant: Oh, right, right, right. Well, is it the one where I'm an English fellow who wants to marry a woman who's father is in the mafia?
	Jason: No, that's Mickey Blue Eyes. 
	Hugh: Hm. What movie you say you're watching again?
	Cokie: Lair of The White Worm.
	Hugh: Hmm...I can't seem to recall that one. Is it the one where I'm a rather childish English fellow who meets a kid?
	Jason: No, that's "About A Boy".
	Hugh: Oh. Hm. Sorry I can't help. Well, I must be off. Please...don't call me again. Bye.
	(Hugh goes back through the People Processor.)
	Jason: Well shucks, that didn't explain anything at all.
	Cokie: Nope. 
	Jason: Do you think the people at home got that this segment was a homage to the kid's show "Wake, Rattle, and Roll", COKE's?
	Cokie: Probably not, cause we're dweebs who remember stupid things like that. And stop calling me "COKE's".
	Jason: Well, you played along with it-
	Cokie: Shut up. Let's go finish this movie.
	Jason: Can we call Jenna Jameson first through the People Processor?
	Cokie: No.
	Jason: Dammit!

Segment Five

	(Jason and Cokie are at the table. The People Processor is still there.)

	Jason: Man, this was a bad movie.
	Cokie: Probably the worst.
	Jason: I don't blame Hugh Grant for wanting to forget this movie ever existed.
	Cokie: Yeah. Maybe we should call someone to help us cheer up.
	Jason: Ok, who?
	(The door opens and Bugs Bunny comes through.)
	Bugs: Ehh..what's up doc?
	Jason: Why did you call Bugs Bunny?
	Cokie: Cause he always makes me laugh. Make an anvil fall on Jason.
	Bugs: Ehh...ok.
	(A whistling noise is heard and Jason looks up. He holds up a sign that reads "Help".)
	(Jumps to Dr. Snyder and Chickie is still under a blanket. Dr. Snyder is holding a bowl.)
	Dr. Snyder: Look Chickie, I made your favorite meal. Come on Chickie, it's me. You gotta get use to this voice, Chickie. (Looks at the camera.) Chickie still won't come out. I dunno what to do to get him use to my voice. Guess I'll have to just eat these chicken livers by myself. (He picks one up and eats it. He gets grossed out.) Eww...well, until next time Soto. Look Chickie, yummy...chicken...livers...(Goes to eat another one but he throws up and turns the camera off.)

The End