Episode 8-Night Life

Segment One

	(Cokie is at the table by himself.)

	Cokie: Hi everyone. I'm Cokie and welcome. You may be wondering where Jason is. Well-
	(Jason comes in dancing and singing "The Safety Dance". He dances back out.)
	Cokie: If you must really know, Jason is-
	(Jason comes back in, dancing and singing "The Hustle". He dances back out.)
	Cokie: Well, he's um-
	(Jason comes back in, dancing and singing "Billie Jean".)
	Jason: Billie Jean is not my lover...she's just a girl who says I am the one...but the chair is not my son.
	Cokie: It's son.
	Jason: Whatever. OOH!
	(Jason touches himself and tries to moonwalk out.)
	Cokie: As you can tell, Jason has come down with a real bad case of...Boogie Fever.
	(Jason jumps in singing "Gettin Jiggy Wit It" and dances. He dances back out.)
	Cokie: And it's annoying me to no end. 
	(Jason comes back in and sing "The Macarana" and does the dance.)
	Cokie: Ok, I'm gonna have to kill you now. Prof. Snyder, any news on your brother, while I choke the life out of Jason?
	(Goes to Prof. Snyder, with a big box.)
	Prof. Snyder: Wow, look at this. It's all of my brother's prized possessions. Let's see what we have here. (Picks up an empty pop can.) An empty pop can... (Picks up a can of shaving cream) some shaving cream (Picks up a calender) and a calender from the year 1997. How are all of these things prized possessions? Hey, what's this? (Picks up a small book.) Wow, it's his journal. (Opens it) "The Private Diary of Doctor Conrad Anne Snyder".
	(Goes back to the basement and Cokie is at Jason's throat, choking him.)
	Jason: I must...dance!! It's in my blood!!!!
	Cokie: Dr. Snyder's middle name is Anne?
	(Back Upstairs, Prof. Snyder is looking through the journal.)
	Prof. Snyder: Shut up. Hey, here's an entry marked "May 7th, 1995". "Dear Diary, Today I successfully took all of the ants in the backyard and turned them into human cable repairmen. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Man, he is pathetic. (Looks up) Anyway, since my brother isn't back from his surgery in Switzerland, I have to send you two another movie. It's called "Night Life" and it's a bad zombie movie that turns into a comedy. It's the best I can do. (Looks backs down.) "June 5th, 1996: Dear Diary, Today I went to my high school reunion and turned them all into ants. Then I turned them into pizza delievery men." Man, he is weird.
	(Goes to a shot of the floor in The Basement and Jason is walking in place, singing "Staying Alive". He is carrying a paint can and eating a sandwich. He then goes by the table, puts the sandwich and can down, opens his shirt and starts dancing like John Travolta.)
	Cokie: Ok Vinnie Barbarino, let's go. The movie's starting.
	(Jason continues dancing and feeling his chest hair.)

Segment Two

	(Jason walks in humming "Staying Alive". On the table is a dead body with no head. He looks at it, then goes to look at a newspaper. He looks at the body again and screams. Cokie comes in.)

	Cokie: What?
	Jason: Cokie! There's a dead body lying here!!!
	Cokie: Oh, that. Relax, will you? It's my first customer.
	Jason: First customer?
	Cokie: Yeah. I felt inspired by the movie to open my own morturary. It looks like fun. This is my first funeral. 
	Jason: How did you open a funeral home here?
	Cokie: Well, I just opened the door and the hospital bought this body here.
	Jason: You opened the door?! How did you do that?!
	Cokie: I don't remember. Sheesh, why you getting so excited for?
	Jason: Cokie, we could've escaped through that door.
	Cokie: Escape? Who wants to escape now that I opened a business.
	Jason: Where's that door at? (Jason runs off)
	Cokie: Oh, the ambulance driver accidently slammed it, so it shut completely.
	(Jason walks in, head hung down.)
	Jason: Cokie...
	Cokie: Wanna help me put the sign up?
	Jason: Sign?
	(Jason picks up a piece of paper that reads "Cokie-Stein Funeral Home".)
	Jason: Who's Stein?
	Cokie: A name I made up. Funeral homes always have catchy two names. Anyway, I told the family that I got a priest to read some words. So wear this.
	(Jason pulls up a priests collar.)
	Jason: Wait, I'm not a priest.
	Cokie: It's not that hard. Wear a white collar, say some things about God and they leave. Sheesh. 
	Jason: Cokie...
	Cokie: Ok, we still gotta put him in a coffin.
	Jason: What happened to his head?
	Cokie: I don't really know. I didn't ask a lot of questions. But apparently they want a open casket. So I'll give it to them. 
	Jason: This is all kind of weird Cokie.
	Cokie: I know. Who'd thought that they'd want an open coffin for a decapitation?
	Jason: Umm...oh I don't feel like getting into it. Let's go back to the movie.

Segments Three

	(The body is in a casket and there is a potted plant next to it. Jason comes in and tries to put the collar on.)

	Jason: Cokie, I don't think you got the right kind of collar. A priest wears a white collar.
	(Cokie comes in and is wearing a tie.)
	Cokie: What's wrong with it?
	Jason: Well first off, it's made from typing paper.
	Cokie: Well there isn't exactly a 24 hour Priest Dress Up Shop around here.
	Jason: 24 hour priest...
	Cokie: Oh, the first mourners are here.
	(Shows two figures (Bugs & Elliott) by the casket. Cokie goes to them.)
	Cokie (Talking rather oddly): Did you know the victim?
	Elliott: Dude, like, no.
	Bugs: We just had a bet going that when a person is dead, they do immediately start to fall apart.
	Ellilott: Dude, like, can we touch the body?
	Cokie: Hmm...I don't see anything wrong with that.
	Jason: Cokie! You shouldn't try to desecrate the body!
	Cokie: He's not being desecrated, he's being buried. 
	Jason: But...oh why do I bother? Let's go back to the movie. And you two (To Bugs & Elliott) No touching the body.
	Elliott: Aw man! You're not any fun.

Segment Four

	(There is a small crowd in front of the casket. Jason, wearing the paper collar, comes up holding a small book. Cokie appears.)

	Jason: What am I suppose to say?
	Cokie: Just some things about death. It's not that hard. 
	Jason: Why are you talking all weird?
	Cokie: I'm a caretaker, I'm suppose to talk weird. And I'm gonna go masturbate to pictures of dead bodies later.
	Jason: Ok, you're carrying this a little too far!!
	Cokie: Oh, I'm just joking...it's a snuff film.
	Jason: Not funny.
	Cokie: I thought it was. Let me get their attention. (Whistles) Hey! The good Reverend Jason Soto would like to say some words now. Reverend.
	Jason: Thank you Cokie...my child. (Opens the book) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join...this guy...with Death. Death is a many spledered thing...with flowers blooming and the sun shining...it reminds me of a hymn that I know very well and I will sing that hymn for you now. (Sings the beginning of "Chop Suey!".)
	Cokie: Jason!! I mean....Reverend...
	Jason: Oh...sorry. Well, if there is anyone here who thinks that this guy shouldn't be dead, speak now or forever hold your peace. (Looks around.) Hm, interesting. I now pronounce this guy dead! 
	(Jason slams the book shut.)
	Cokie: That was nice...Reverend. Um, ok well we got punch and pie in the other room and then we'll bury the guy. While you enjoy that, we gotta finish up this movie. Come on, Reverend.
	
Segment Five

	(Jason is humming "Taps" while he is putting the coffin in the dirt of the plant. Then he starts humming another song (Funky Town)and gets Boogie Fever again and starts dancing. The crowd reacts and they start to leave one by one. Bugs & Elliott stay behind. Cokie comes up.)
	Cokie: Hey! Where did everyone go?!
	Elliott: Dude, you got, like, the weirdest funeral home ever.
	Bugs: Yeah, I mean, a dancing reverend, burying people with plants, and zombie movies that don't feature zombies until the last 30 minutes. I don't think you'll stay open very long.
	Elliott: I know that when I die I don't wanna be kept here.
	Bugs: Me neither. But I'm hoping to die a cool death where there's hardly any body parts left to bury.
	Elliott: Oh, yeah, and, like, maybe in a fire where it's all burned!
	Bugs: Yeah.
	(They leave. Cokie is just standing there. Jason is still dancing.)
	Cokie: I could choke you and try to kill you again...but I am so angry that I can't move. So I'll do it later. In your sleep. Please tell me Dr. Snyder is back so he can just kill him for me.
	(Goes back upstairs and Prof. Snyder is still reading the journal.)
	Prof. Snyder: "September 19th, 2000: I kissed my first girl! Then I turned her into an anteater and had her eat all the cable guys who I turned back into ants." "October 31st, 2001: I dressed up like Bubbles from "The Powerpuff Girls" and I-
	(Dr. Snyder walks in and looks down. He clears his throat. Prof. Snyder looks up.)
	Prof. Snyder: Oh...Connie. Hi. I was, just, um...looking for...a pen. Yeah. How was the operation?
	(Dr. Snyder goes to open his mouth. Prof. Snyder looks tense. Jason looks tense. Cokie is just sitting there. So is Chickie. Screen goes black.)
	Narrator: What will Dr. Snyder's voice sound like??? Will Cokie really Jason in his sleep??? And is it entirely plausible that these cliffhanger episodes are suppose to take place on the same day, but everyone's dressed differently and don't mention the fact that they have to watch two movies in the same day??? These questions will be answered in the next episode of...B MOVIE CENTRAL 5000!!!
(Note: The offical next episode is the Holiday Special 2: Halloween episode so these questions will not be answered in that episode. BUT!!! In the next episode after that, they will be. Stay tuned!!!!)

To be continued...sort of.